Right to Voice

12 and hating our bodies

2010-05-07T00:20:00.000-07:00

Yesterday while at the park, I ran into one of my favourite ex-students. Almost about to collide, we stopped to embrace instead. We haven't seen each other in more than a year or so. Noticing how furiously she was running, I asked if she was practicing for the school's track team. She duly replied that she was running because she's fat and she's getting zits.

She's only 12. And she has the body of a typical 12 year old girl. Not remotely close to fat at all.

Feeling naturally perturbed by her answers, the inner mother hen emerged, and I unloaded a barrage of inquiries probing the rationale and motivations behind her need to work out at such a young age. Her answers echoed of blossoming self-esteem and body dissatisfaction issues. Now of course, once a girl hits puberty, her body undergoes tremendous changes. Overnight, you sprout breasts, experience the first smidgens of sexual attraction amidst other nerve-wrecking hormonal surprises. But for a girl, a mere child, to be so conscious of her body at that age is quite disturbing.

I related the story to a few friends afterwards. One of them announced that at 12 she started starving herself. Another said that she knew of someone who started working out at that age as well. Unbeknown to me, body issues have fast enveloped children.

The saturation of sex and 'waif' ideal body images in the media have evolved into cultural norms and expectations. As a result, women and men are left striving to mould their bodies into shapes and forms that physically encapsulate perfection as socially mandated. Thereby, creating a hotbed of festering body dimorphism married with non-existent self-esteem and confidence. But to actually witness young children picking and embracing our social indicators is just wrong. When did children learn to replicate our insecurities and dissatisfaction?

This chance encounter reminded me of another experience I had with another young kid, many years ago, when I worked at Victoria's Secret. A mother-daughter duo walked into the store looking for suitable training bras. The young girl could not have been more than 10 or 11. They surveyed the sporty collection of the store and the mother picked out specific ones for her daughter. After informing me they would return later to purchase, the duo were heading out of the store when the young girl stopped at a table lavishly displaying bedazzled thongs. The kid grabbed a few thongs and held them up. Her mother (bless her) informed her child that thongs weren't meant for children. The young girl answered that all her friends wore thongs. The mother replied she wasn't going to let her daughter prance around without any underwear just because all the other girls were doing just that. With that being said, the duo left, with the younger one bearing a crest-fallen look. Almost nearing closing time, as I was helping with the last few customers, I noticed the daughter hovering around the thong table, alone. I went up to her and asked if her mother had returned to buy the bras. The young girl picked up three thongs and handed me a wad of cash.

As we adults struggle with myriad issues and insecurities, it is heart-wrenching to reflect that we are passing along our shortcomings to children.

Hatred Continues

2010-03-14T05:21:00.000-07:00

Now that many agencies are breaking new grounds in working with sexual minorities, the hatred has caught the eye of the media.

In a recent Bengali news site, a reporter who has obviously not done his background research on the topic, makes several erroneous statements on the work being currently conducted by international agencies in regards to awareness of HIV/AIDS among MSM (men who have sex with men) population. The journalist's concluded his article by stating how those very international agencies are promoting homosexuality.

Come again?

How does one equate working to raise awareness of HIV/AIDS and providing essential public health services to a marginalized group encourage one form of sexuality?

The nature of the argument didn't astound me. By now, working in this particular line of work, I amused to hearing all kinds of arguments against the education of sexual rights. The one feature of the article that did astonish me were the several comments made by ordinary people who perpetuated and expressed their hatred against homosexuality.

One of my colleagues stated that as more agencies opt to work with sexual minorities, these types of ignorance-fueled hatred will frequently emerge. Ignorance and the fear of the unknown is understandable. Hence the awareness-building activities. But the blatant hatred that accompanies the ignorance is staggering. People simply refuses to accept an alternative form of desire beyond the hetero-normative model.

One thing is clear though, we can expect more and more of these types of reactions from all quarters.

Women and women

2010-03-13T19:42:00.001-08:00

Living in a patriarchy society, it is astonishing to see how women tend to further suppress other women. Recent conversations with both sexes have verified the sad fact that women tend to be far more malicious of other women.

Some of us might shake our heads and remark how this is a stereotypical depiction of women generated by men to 'divide and conquer' the female race.

Unfortunately, that is the fact. Women, and I have seen plenty, readily vilify other women. Women tend to judge other women harshly, quick to plant labels as 'sluts', 'whores', and 'vixen'.

Why though? What are the underlying motives that compel women to tarnish and severely judge other women?

Insecurities? Older women feeling insecure about themselves when younger one emerge on to the scene? Or women in general feel insecure about themselves?

In a era where we have grown up with feminists and feminists theories dissecting and analyzing the world for us, it is quite a strange sight to encounter successful women swiftly and almost always negatively judge others. Whereas we should be forging community, building and nurturing bonds, encouraging and supporting each other, we fall back into petty jealousies and rivalries in the pursuit to emerge as the fairer and far appealing one.

It's upsetting to see the numbers of wonderful, inspiring, and successful women around me, and to know that at least half of them would never consider mentoring younger women. As much as we instinctively blame men and their patriarchy, we have to point the fingers at ourselves and really accept the blatant truth that we are the very proponents that prolongs and nurtures the patriarchical shackles in our society.

I have been fortunate to have met many women who have taken the time to nurture, encourage, inspire, and support me throughout the different phases of my evolution. But I don't find enough women are willing to mentor other to succeed akin to themselves.

This hesitation, insecurity, and refusal to welcome, nurture, and groom the younger generation of women needs cease now. Otherwise, we will continue inhabiting a world of men where females will always be considered the weaker sex.

My Benetton Heart and Supremacist Dick

2010-02-20T21:14:00.000-08:00

Oh, John Mayer, your music certainly leaves a lot to be desired but your recent comments and the consequent media storm surrounding them really sheds light on the need for celebrities not to voice racist-tinged opinions at the communal square.

In a recent Playboy(Playgirl?) interview, John Mayer was asked if black girls threw themselves at him. Yes, the interview was being completely set up for entertaining sound bites. Mayer replied that he has a 'Benetton heart but a supremacist dick.." Wow.

It's not unnatural for different races to feel comfortable dating their own kind. For example, desis are often conditioned to select a mate from their own creed, as long as the significant female counterpart was of a 'fair and lovely' stock. Generations of desis propagate the notion that it is far easier to be with someone of similar backgrounds in order to better understand cultural and social indicators. I have had many discussions with peers and older patrons who have dissected, analysed, interpreted, and preached marrying your own kind.

However, yes, there are souls who dare to break away with tradition and venture forth into the land of inter-racial/cultural relationships. And they have existed remarkedly well without any sign of disintegration of their respective races.

Which brings us back to John Mayer's comments. To each his/her own. He has the prerogative to prefer a certain type of women, be it blonde, busty, blue-eyed etc. But he has absolutely no right to express his preference in such a crude manner whereby he alienates and discriminates against an entire race of women.

There have been many fierce and eloquent reprisals of John Mayer's comments emerging from all quarters. But the fact remains that a white guy should not get away calling his dick a supremacist. The word alone epitomizes generations of hatred, murder, bloodbaths, and stigma surrounding the color of skin. How can anyone dismissively label their body part with that noun and expect people to be entertained?

I suppose by now, John Mayer, must have learned from his callow actions. But his comments have uncovered a fact that is sadly the truth. Men and women tend to prefer to date from their own races. Is that an issue? Not necessarily. As long as advocates of these intra-racial dating phenomenon refrain from flippantly using discriminative language to justify their philosophy.

Rationalizing Rape and Perpetuaters

2009-11-01T01:34:00.001-07:00

A fifteen year old high school girl gets gang raped on school premises while waiting for her father to pick her up. In response to a posting of this story on a site, many commentators started speculating on the victim’s looks, gauging her intoxication level, and whether she had herself provoked the rape. (Broadsheet)

Needless to say, their speculations were deeply troubling in light of the evidence and account of the rape emerging.

Rape has to be undoubtedly one of the worst forms of violence against women. It is hard to imagine a young girl being brutally sexually violated by multiple men while others gather around jostling, laughing, and even taking pictures. And no one thought of calling law enforcement then and there.

Instead two hours later, the police came to find the girl unconscious and in such a critical condition that she was air lifted to the nearest hospital.

I remember in psychology 101 class, we learned that in the event of encountering violence, we should scream fire as opposed to help me I’m being raped. Human beings are more prone to run to someone’s help if they hear there are faced with natural disasters as opposed to violence perpetuated by other human beings.

That perplexing theory came to mind when I read about this incident in several news trades. How can so many people just stand around watching a girl being violated? What compelled them to witness and not report? What fear, hesitation, depravity prevented them from compassion?

Now, what becomes of the girl? What becomes of her life as she is left to reel from the psychological, emotional, and physical effects of her rape?

But far greater emphasis must be placed on the men who perpetuated this heinous crime. What compelled them to brutalize a hapless young female? What motivated them to resort to forced sexual violence? What form of perverse joy did they deprive from encouraging their peers to repeatedly engage in sexual violating the girl?

It remains to be seen how this rape narrative will be pieced together to make sense.

Are we hardwired to prefer young children?

2009-10-12T02:11:00.000-07:00

Roman Polanski’s capture and imminent battle against US for raping and drugging a thirteen year old girl in the 1970s bounds to be in the same breath as the trial of the centaury. But his capture raised the phenomenon of sexual intercourse with minors that gripped and incited the media into a frenzy.

On the heels of myriad media discussions of Polanski’s behavior appeared Kate Harding’s of Broadsheet infamous piece that asked us as judges to not not forget that Roman Polanski raped and drugged a thirteen year girl against her wishes. http://www.salon.com/mwt/broadsheet/feature/2009/09/28/polanski_arrest/index.html
She raised several pivotal points about the act of adults having consensual and/or non-consensual sexual intercourse with minors. Points that were furthered verified and validated by more news pundits.

In comes MacKenzie stating that she and her father had a long-standing consensual sexual intercourse interspersed with drug abuse. She stated she still loves him dearly.

Both these accidents involving celebrities throw light on to the severely cloaked and veiled phenomena of child abuse. All over the world, the statistics for child sexual abuse is astounding. It happens everywhere, all the time,, to people who you know.

Even with strict laws targeting pedophilia, this phenomenon refuses to die down. This refusal to efface begs the question, are human beings sexually hardwired to prefer young children? A creeping thought that will send many of us to immediately cringe and dismiss it. Yet, why is it that we always hear of young children being raped, sodomized, molested by men and women in times of wars, peace, inside their own homes, by uncles, aunties, brothers, friends, neighborhood kids and so forth.

The western world still fights in curbing this war against pedophilia, but how does it look in our part of the world? Or even in our country? We inhabit a society that refuses to disclose and discuss sexuality out in the open. A woman exposing her kneecaps is deemed open to whistles, shouts, curses, and angry glares from passersby on the streets, But behind closed doors, the worst forms of sexual debauchery are being conducted upon hapless victims. Oftentimes, the prevailing ocean of silence prevents victims from voicing the violations they encounter. Oftentimes, the newspapers decline to print such material. Voices are lost. Crimes are largely ignored.

I often think if we are unconsciously but deliberately breeding a nation of sexual perversity and sexual abuse.. What are the odds that someone that I know has been sexually molested and/or groped at by an acquaintance at a young age? What seeds of self-loathing and fear do those episodes trigger in those victims?

Pro-Choice Death

2009-09-25T21:51:00.000-07:00

A recent news item on NY Times and on Broadsheet about end of life decisions spurred me to contemplate on the issue.

As a person who firmly believes and advocates pro-choice in terms of controlling and deciding things that are good for my mental and physical well-being; having that same prerogative for choosing death never occurred before.

During a bio-ethics course in college, the case of Terri Schiavo was broached. She was a young woman completely surviving through life support. Essentially, her body was dead. Her family wanted to maintain her on life-support, probably hopeful that a breakthrough in modern medicine will bring their daughter back into their arms. Her husband, on the other hand, wanted to ensure she received a dignified death. The husband and her family fought an epic battle that riveted the American nation and even had the then President Bush interjecting his perspectives.

Undoubtedly, at this point in my life, I feel having the ability to choose what is good for my body is an essential human right. But does that same right encompass death as well?

In a hypothetical scenario where my body is ravaged and riddled with cancer, and I opt for death to ease myself of the pain and the inevitability of demise, am I right in doing so? Can I say I am in the "correct" frame of mental health to declare I choose death? Am I doing justice to my family and friends in wishing for death? What of their desire to be with me till the end?

Perhaps these question are of those nature that will be constantly debated and never fully answered. I cannot truly imagine how Terri felt, or how her husband and family felt when they hotly contended their views on her right to life and death. Neither can I predict how my loved ones will react to my pro-choice inclinations if I experience a similar fate.

But it certainly does make sense for a person to wish for a dignified death in any manner he/she deems appropriate. Who are we to deprive or thwart them from this basic right?

Afghanistan, Afghanistan, Afghanistan

2009-09-24T22:52:00.000-07:00

It is disconcerting to see how the failing war in Afghanistan is flashed across various media now. The failing war efforts, the failing war strategies, the failing tactics, the failing counterinsurgency, the failing troops morale, and the failing public support have gripped worldwide nations.

In the midst of this gloom, there are signs of revival in the form of General McChrystal new strategy in successfully combating the Taliban. However, we have yet to see if the US will whole-heartedly embrace this new vision.

Undoubtedly, failing to rid the Taliban from Afghan lands will lead to a global turmoil that will quickly spread into Pakistan and nearby conflict-riddled regions. Hence, winning the war in Afghanistan is imperative. Yet I wonder if the US public is willing to dispense more troops, invest more time and effort into a war that has claimed so many lives and seem far from over.

Not that there have much of a choice. It behooves the US to complete a war that was foolishly and ineffectively initiated by the Bush Administration. But at what costs.

Twenties and Spiritual Awakening

2009-09-22T21:35:00.000-07:00

I recently came across a piece on NY Times on the emergence of young females fashioning themselves as self-help gurus. Although their fees are hefty, these females guarantee advice on all matters of the heart, mind, and soul.

Reading the piece made me think of the path of self-enlightenment that has infected my friends and I. Maybe this is a late-twenties phenomenon. My closets friends and I have been for quite some time exchanging, extrapolating, and discussing ideas and ideologies from spiritual books to enlighten our current need to further evolve into better human beings.

Lessons we learn from these profound books are swiftly disseminated among each other, quietly reflected upon, and are used to deal with challenging times, situations, and/or people.

But I wonder where this need to be spiritually awakened appears from? We can all attest that we have had degrees of experiences, ranging from trifling to harrowingly soul-challenging; some experiences similarly shared; others we can only empathize and locate a common understanding and compassion. But all of our shared and unique experiences are compelling us to tackle literature that will awaken and enhance our spiritual re-birth.

Knowledge that I see us quickly dispense to people who come to us for advice. Knowledge that allows us to ignore and gently expel negative energies transmitted by people who are struggling and drowning in their own self-imposed negative nightmares. Knowledge that allows us to stop reacting to situations as we once would and did but now coolly assess the circumstances and find positive solutions.

Our quest to become spiritually enlightened is having a profound impact on how we collectively display ourselves on the public domain. As well as an incredible effect on how we regard matters that are beyond our control, and make peace with not having control.

I suppose it must be a late-twenties stage. That need to nicely sum up the experiences we have had and make sense of the direction we are taking. But it certainly does feel rewarding to know that females out there around the world are collectively on the same path as we are on spiritual awakening.

Bangladeshi, Female and Doubly Marginalized

2009-09-14T08:03:00.000-07:00

On the hot trail of a new research on violence against marginalized women in Bangladesh, I met with a few individuals who are physically disabled. One of them is legally blind, and the other is bound to a wheelchair.

In the midst of discussing the forms of violence encountered by physically disabled females, I realized as females we are accustomed to many modes of violence and discrimination, whether subtle or overt, but that very violence must be further amplified for the physically disabled.

A personal account I heard from one woman is of her dismissed from her graduate programme in a reputed national university. Her discharge came about on account of her failure to show her face at the Registration Office. The Office is located on the fourth floor of the building. She is in a wheelchair. And there is no provision for physically challenged people to move in, about, and out that building.

When asked why she didn’t pursue legal action against such blatant discrimination. The woman cited her university professor encouraging her to let the matter slide.

Why?

Regardless of her facing such an outright violation of her basic human rights to education, why would a supervisor, a supposed mentor, telling her to drop the matter? How does her silent retreat into the cloak of invisibility from the public domain aid her right to have access to education?

But this is just a single case. There are multiple and diverse forms of violence faced by physically disabled females in our country. The deeper and the more rural areas one ventures into, the worse the transgressions. Disturbing as it is, one must wonder what other forms and shapes violence against them take. Are physically disabled women also prey to sexual abuse and violation? And if so, what coping strategies and legal provisions are available for them to pursue to redress their grievances?

As an eminent legal expert in our country stated once, females are already marginalized in Bangladesh, but if they happen to be ethnic, religious minority or physically disabled, they are doubly marginalized and susceptible to violence without any chances of pursuing legal actions.

Are they really gay people in Bangladesh?

2009-09-12T06:19:00.000-07:00

Granted working in sexuality rights in Bangladesh raises quite a few empathetic nods, but the eyebrows are raised when they learn of sexuality rights of the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, & Transgender (LGBT) community. Usually the first question I am asked is – are they really gay people in Bangladesh?

I wish I could flippantly answer no of course not because being gay is such a western construction. But I curb my tongue and remind myself that most people I encounter don’t have the faintest idea of the larger, somewhat thriving, yet cloaked LGBT community in our country. Most people would rather mock at seeing two men holding hands and walking on the streets (quite the norm in our country) rather than actually fathom that they are Bangladeshis living here engaged in same-sex relationships.

Their ignorance is, I will defend, justified. But their willful denial of the LGBT community possessing the same human rights and prerogatives as sanctioned by the UN Human Rights Convention is mindboggling misfortunate.

I have had people smirk at my work in advocating and promoting awareness and tolerance of the LGBT community. I have had people deplore their very existence. I have had people yell that homosexuality is the evil work of western exploitation. I have had people state that homosexuality is a mental disease.

Only after working with, meeting, and befriending many inspirational figures from the LGBT community, I have realized how supremely fortunate I am in being heterosexual. I recall a statement a friend made regarding same-sex relationship; that no matter what race, creed, faith, skin hue they are, being gay always incites violence, censure, and fear.

Can you imagine fearing for your life because you happen to prefer men/women of your own sex?

I ask many critics this question when they take it upon themselves to educate me of my misguided ways. They scoff at my idealistic notion of creating safe arenas where people of all sexual identities can emerge on the public forum without fear or censure.

At the midst of such disdain and open disapproval of empowering the LGBT community with rights and prerogatives that rightfully belong to them as human beings, I quietly tell myself that it took India ten years to decriminalize homosexuality. It may take Bangladesh far longer, or our country will never reach that goal, but it isn’t a lost cause at all.

On inspiration, writing, and fellow writers

2009-09-11T08:38:00.000-07:00

Inspiration is always tricky. You can never foretell when you’ll be jolted by a powerful electric surge that sends you into a frenzy of creativity. Or what. It can be the most trivial object that you sighted upon the road, it can be a name, word, or even a lore that you happened to hear or read or watch one day, or it can be a life story of another being that you must capture in words. In essence, inspiration is difficult to define.

Writing is indeed a solitary activity, as many writers will attest. Writing involves sequestering yourself from the world, immersing yourself into a make-believe world, and plunging deep inside fictitious characters, stories, histories, plots. I often wonder if writers find it difficult to distinguish between the imagined world and the real world. Writing involves dedication and discipline to the art and joy of simply writing. It can be pretty exhausting as well. But just writing, just to be able to express a feeling, an idea, a person, an event, or even just a thought can be beyond cathartic.

You never know what to expect when you meet other writers. Writers are known to be eccentric and temperamental creatures. I am fortunate enough to know a group of talented writers who have become close friends and supporters. I have found associating with these fellow writers have cajoled forth inspiration lurking in the corners. I have found while writing alone, I am always mindful of the encouraging words and constructive criticism of my writing by my fellow writers. In short, I have found that while I may write alone, I am always comforted and encouraged by the inspiration I derive from my writer friends.

Every writer should have a network of wonderful and artistic writers that I have. It can be so rewarding and refreshing to bond with writers who are keen on crafting human stories. There is no greater joy than to know madcap writers who are obsessed about finding that perfect word, line, tone, pitch, adjective, verb, to describe perfectly the thought.

One woman defies, another woman accepts

2009-09-06T23:42:00.000-07:00

While one woman draws the world’s attention on defying Sudanese law to punish her for wearing pants in public, another woman demurely accepts her punishment and even requests a public lashing to repent for her transgression of drinking alcohol in a Malaysian bar. Both of those women are facing public punishments for violating alleged Islamic laws, but their reactions to their supposed crimes cannot be farther apart.

Lubna Hussain, a journalist (who I now read is a Muslim), is garnering as much attention as possible on opposing the Islamic law that had her arrested for wearing pants in public. As she defiantly questions where in the Quran it is written women cannot wear pants (paraphrased).

Kartika Sari Dewi Shukarno, a Malysian model, is scheduled to be caned in public for being caught drinking beer at a bar. In Malaysia, Muslims are forbidden to drink alcohol. Instead of defying the law, she complied with the punishment meted out and even asked to be publicly caned. Her rationale being she has no right to oppose Islamic law, and that her public caning will educate Muslims to stay away from alcohol.

One woman defies, another woman accepts.

Two Pink Lines Published

2009-09-04T19:46:00.001-07:00

http://www.thedailystar.net/starinsight/2009/08/02/story.htm

I walked on Dhaka street

2009-09-04T19:43:00.001-07:00

I walked on Dhaka streets yesterday. It felt so refreshing to be able to walk on pavements again. Even amidst the stares.

Pedestrians stared, police stared, rickshaw pullers and passengers stared, young children stared, beggars stared, people by roadside tea stalls stared, even passengers in cars fast speeding away stared.

Our clothes, our looks, our walk, our ethnicity, our class, even our past were being speculated by the passersby.

I walked with a friend deep in conversation. But we did hear the few snide comments. Ordinarily I would have stopped and castigated them. But then I thought why ruin this unique opportunity of actually walking through Dhaka streets by yelling at a random chauvinistic stranger?

So I walked, head held high, talking to my friend.

Perhaps it was Iffat Nawaz who said it, or perhaps someone else, but as I walked and now in retrospection, I feel it is just about time that we reclaimed our streets.

Perhaps the more young females are seen walking on the streets, the more sensitized people will become.

It is definitely worth a shot. Such a small pastime and a fundamental right feel like a luxury to us.

Jaycee Dugard and her Kidnapper/Rapist

2009-09-03T04:12:00.000-07:00

The sad case of Jaycee Dugard and her captors raises several imperative questions. As the story goes, Jaycee was kidnapped right in front of her stepfather from outside their home in 1991. Eighteen years later, she is freed from her captor, Philip Garigo, who also by now happens to be the father of Jaycee’s two children, 15 and 11 years of ages.

Jaycee was 11 when she was kidnapped. If her two daughters are 15 and 11, that indicates her kidnapped raped her since she was 14.Plausibly, since the day he kidnapped her. So Jaycee at the age of 14 had given birth to her first daughter already.

At the time of arrest, Jaycee and her daughters were found to be living in a sound proof shed veiled by a false wall within a larger compound. Ironically, the local police failed on locate the false wall on a random property search a few years earlier. So, Jaycee and her daughters were living with their kidnapper and rapist for period of eighteen years without their neighbors knowing their actual relationships.

In addition, and this has to be one of the most frightening aspect of the whole story, the townsfolk, apart from a few suspicious ones, did not wonder of the nature of the relationship between Philip Garigo, another women who was booked as his wife, Jaycee Dugard and her two daughters.

The whole case reeks of a matter that dropped out of the public’s radar, perhaps to the detrimental effect on Jaycee and her two daughters.

Now that Jaycee and her daughters are finally emancipated, there are still looming issues for them to encounter. Least of all accepting and moving past the fact that they had bonded with a husband and father who raped Jaycee from childhood.

As this gruesome tale unfold, more unfortunate details will emerge of Jaycee’s life with Philip Garigo.

To make matters far worse, Philip Garigo is being investigated with past murders of prostitutes that happened in the same locales that he inhabited.

It must be deeply traumatic for Jaycee and her children to understand and accept their shared past,

Wear Trousers, Get Arrested

2009-07-30T02:11:00.000-07:00

Lubna Hussain, a Sudanese woman, was arrested recently for wearing 'un-Islamic" clothing in public. The immoral clothing in question was a pair of trousers.

Sudan sanctions a sever public dress code for females. However, those laws are only applicable for Muslims. Thus that law does not apply on Christians like Lubna Hussain.

In a recent interview with Al-Jazeera, Lubna Hussain vehemently challenged the moral grounds upon which her arrest took place. She questioned why Sudanese female police and government officials are allowed to wear trousers as part of their uniform; but a civilian like herself cannot.

She said before the hearing: 'Thousands of women are punished with lashes in Sudan but they stay silent. The law is being used to harass women and I want to expose this.'

If convicted, Lubna Hussain will face up to 40 lashes in public. However, she is determined to fight the law in court. She has used her arrest to highlight the unfair legal practices in her country. Even the circumstances of her arrest come into scrutiny, as an UN employee, Lubna enjoys legal immunity. However, she has agreed to resign from her UN post to ensure her case received a fair hearing in court.

This mere arrest over wearing trousers in public could very well lead to an epic battle in legal courts on the power of absurd laws based on ambivalent sense of immorality. Moreover, it could also showcase the disparities between the laws that are forced upon Muslim females and Christian females. Even if Lubna manages to lose the battle and endure 40 lashes, she will at least have voiced her concerns over the absurdity of laws in Sudan. Perhaps her arrest will lead to Sudanese women to unite and fight against discriminatory laws against them in their country.

More Thought on the Hijab Wearing Option

2009-07-29T00:07:00.000-07:00

I came across this piece on a UK police division unit introducing an hijab/head scarve for its female police officers. According to the article, the headscarf/hijab will come in handy in covering the females' heads and/or shoulders when they have to enter places of worships of all religions. However, Broadsheet blogger, Judy Berman, raises a few questions on the effectiveness and conditions of these new additions to the police unforms.

http://www.salon.com/mwt/broadsheet/feature/2009/07/28/police_hijab/

Oldest Mother Passes Away

2009-07-17T02:35:00.000-07:00

The oldest mom in the world gave birth two years ago to twin boys and only recently passed away. Her demise begs the question – was it wise for her to give birth so late in her life?

I believe reproductive rights, whether to have children or not, should be chiefly left in the hands of females. That is, their bodies give them the right to determine and decide what and how they wish to act.

However, as hypocritical as my statement will sound, I do fear for the welfare of those orphaned twin boys now that they have no parents. A father figure was never in the picture as their mom opted for a sperm bank. But now that she is no longer alive, who takes responsibility of those boys?

Obviously if the mother was still alive, then they would be no judgment of her decision to have the children so late in her life, but now that she isn’t, I wonder if she was a tad bit selfish. Of course, she wasn’t aware that she would pass away so soon after giving birth, but a woman in her sixties must have weighed her mortality at one point.

In any case, I wonder how the twin boys will fare now.

Breaking the Silence

2009-07-17T02:16:00.000-07:00

An Israeli group published a report allegedly based on the first-hand accounts of Israeli soldiers who engaged in the incursion into Gaza earlier this year. A swift media storm soon enveloped the release of the report. Israeli army spokespeople categorically denied the allegations in the report that Israeli soldiers repeatedly used Palestinian men as human shields. Due to the strict anonymity of the soldiers’ accounts, the Israeli army spokespeople condemned the report as false and misleading.

However, the stories published in that story as recounted by Israeli soldiers corroborate with stories from ordinary Palestinian men who have claimed they were used as human shields. One Palestinian man on a CNN story took the reporters on the route he was taken by Israeli soldiers as they scouted the area looking for Palestinian renegades; furthermore, the man also showed how he was positioned in front of the Israeli solider with the gun resting on his shoulders.

As heinous as those stories are, Breaking the Silence needs to be read, spoken, and written about more in the media and by ordinary citizens like you and me. These types of violations and abuses of human rights need to be brought to light and further prevented from future occurrences.

Excerpt from Echoes

2009-07-17T02:14:00.002-07:00

The moon was behind a gossamer veil as you laid me down on the ground. It was a windless night weighed down by murky moisture. The dark trees were clustered together daring brave souls to pass between their legs. I wasn’t afraid anymore…

I heard our disembodied voice echoing memories from long ago…

“But Amina, my love, how can we be married if you don’t even want to spend time with me?” you would plead. I bowed my head and offered no explanation. “Amina, I won’t hurt you I promise. I won’t do anything against your wishes. I just want to be with you alone….without all these people around us all the time. Come to me please.”

“I can’t, Kurshid. Not now, we don’t have to wait so long, just a couple more months,” so went my weak justification.

“Amina, you know you are the only girl for me, right? When I first spotted you that day at Javed’s wedding, I knew I had to get to know that girl.”

I laughed in delight as I melted into his mouth.

New Writers Blocks Website

2009-07-17T02:14:00.001-07:00

www.writersblock.com

Aftermath of Queer Politics

2009-07-17T02:13:00.000-07:00

http://www.frontlineonnet.com/stories/20090731261503300.htm

A great article on the aftermath of the decriminalization of consensual homosexuality in India. This historic judgment opens the door to probing, questioning, and discussing questions regarding society and sexuality. Suffice to say, gender and sexuality are both society’s constructions. Both facets have been borne in the bellies of the social beliefs and traditions and fed to the masses from birth. In order to define sexuality and gender, and perhaps neutralize it, one must start questioning the origins of those perspectives in comparison to current stances. For example, a school in Thailand has established a bathroom for the third gender i.e. transgenders. A city in Japan (I want to say Tokyo but could be wrong) marvels at the high number of effeminate men who gleefully embrace feminine characteristics and even proudly look, dress, and act in ways that are neither men nor women. These blatant rejections of society’s definitions of gender and sexuality act as catalysts in re-defining constructions and conceptions that are hopefully more gender-neutral and not hell-bent on labeling proper forms of sexuality.

Iran Iran Iran

2009-07-09T01:33:00.000-07:00

As a person who loves to watch revolutions from the confines of my telly, I was glued into the events that unfolded in Iran. Showing my solidarity with the Iranian green movement, I posted stories, articles etc relevant to their cause in order to encourage people to stay abreast of their historic struggle.

So imagine how upset I felt when I saw the state beat and brutalize their people into fear and eventually reluctant submission. Now the streets have been cleared of all marchers and dissent. The only form of dissonance is expressed through nightly collective shouts of Allahu Akbar by brave Iranians from their roof tops, a slogan directly taken from the heady days of the Islamic Revolution in the late 1970s.

Now with President Ahmadinejad speaking out against western agents working in conjunction to topple the glorious empire that is their theocracy, as well as arresting British diplomatic staff as foreign agents, some pivotal Islamic clerics have spoken out in mild tones in support of the people. They haven’t denounced the president or their supreme leader, but have protested against the harsh police brutality against the demonstrators.

It sure does feel like Iran’s rigid political and religious hold on the population is slowly unraveling.

Justice Rabbani, Sodom, and Homosexuality

2009-07-09T01:18:00.000-07:00

On the heels of the epic decriminalization of homosexuality in India, Justice Rabbani of Bangladesh decided to spew in local Bangla newspapers his view on the matter. Among his colourful rant, is the claim that homosexuality is against Islamic law. One of the trite debates that have been tossed around in conjunction with the story of the town of Sodom that was demolished by Allah for being a hot bed of inhumane activities to exemplify how the Quran preaches against homosexuality.

Naturally people from both sides of the debate have their own conflicting interpretations of the story of Sodom. Some say the homosexual residents engaged in sexual acts of rape and bestiality, and even tried to rape one of the messengers of Allah. Others say Allah was displeased with the residents because they were inhospitable. And others have far different interpretations.

Yet, this story is utilized repeatedly as the crux to denote when and how the Quran tackles the issue of homosexuality. Religion obviously is injected into this issue to either exonerate or disclaim homosexuality. Yet, it’s puzzling that a story that has myriad interpretations and misinterpretations is always used as the standard in approving or disapproving of the lifestyle.

China and Social Sites

2009-07-09T01:05:00.000-07:00

So China went ahead and banned social sites such as Flickr, Twitter etc. A country that has notorious nefarious practices in suppressing hallmarks of freedom of speech cannot be expected to do anything far less. However, the Chinese people's lack of apathy is troubling. Or perhaps the media hasn't deemed it news worthy to report on any growing dissent within the Chinese populace. Or maybe Chinese anti-government rants are strictly kept wrapped. In any case, I saw the news item once or twice in the last following days. Perhaps the Chinese government, upon realizing the potency of social sites to ignite, provoke, forge, group, and strategize the population into action as encapsulated by Iran's recent upheavals, has taken pre-emptive actions to avoid such future occurrences within their country. A preemptive move that is at once cunning, daring, and downright suppressive. Yet what is the point of us beyond the borders of China analyzing and lamenting over the country’s recent decision when Chinese citizens seemingly has calmly accepted their government’s action?

Sexuality Rights in India

2009-07-04T19:24:00.001-07:00

Now that India with one final sweep of the hand has toppled all opposition to consensual homosexual acts, the onus is on United States to follow the example.

On July 2nd 2009, the New Delhi Supreme Court decriminialized 'consensual acts' of homosexuality, thereby, making the archaic British-imposed s377 obsolete. This particular clause stipulated that individuals caught in 'carnal' acts that went against stated norms were eligible for imprisonment. However, the New Delhi SC decided that the application of s377 directly impinges on individual's freedom.

Such a momentous decision in a thriving new power is definitely a sign to herald for other nations that are still striving for equal sexuality rights and acceptance. For example, in Bangladesh, the news was met with much approval and optimism that similar legal stances will occur in our country as well. However, for us who work to advocate and promote sexuality rights, we must be careful not to expect a similar shakedown of s377 take place in our country that has yet to accept homosexuality.

Instead, we must rejoice in the historic decision and feel emboldened to create plans that will ensure succcess in our fight. Bearing in mind that even in the country of the free and brave, United States has yet to completely remove all legal impediments imposed on homsexuals. If the country that paved the way for gay rights movement to evolve cannot efface legal and social abhorrence of homosexual lifestyles, then we can't expect a developing nation as ours to take the brave stand so soon. Yet there is always hope. As long as we slowly but determinedly walk towards it hand in hand.

Feminization of HIV/AIDS

2009-06-29T00:15:00.001-07:00

UNAIDS in conjunction with IUB held a seminar on the Feminization of HIV/AIDS. Unfortunately, the seminar failed to deliever Bangladesh's version, if any, of feminization of HIV/AIDS. However, some important points were raised about contraception and protection in sexual intercourse by Bangladeshi partners.

Firstly, condoms are rarely used as forms of protection during sex. Instead, birth control pills are used to protect females from impregnanting. This raises the question that condoms in our society are still regarded as a form of preventing unwarranted pregnancies and NOT as a form of protection from acquiring and/or infecting STDs. The message that condoms are essential in protecting ourselves from diseases is not being widely and properly disseminated through society. As long as condoms aren't being used alongside with birth control pills, uninformed partners will continue to catch and pass along infectious diseases unwittingly.

Secondly, the gender demarcations in our society leave informed females powerless to persuade their male partners to wear condoms. Again, the power bestowed upon males makes them the lead decision-maker in sexual pursuits as well. In several cases, females (some of them living with HIV/AIDS) state their partners' (husbands, boyfriends, clients) refusal to use condoms caused them to become infected.

Thirdly, men's refusal to use condoms brings the danger of STDs closer to home. Again cases have shown that men, unknowingly, who have multiple sexual relations beyond their marriages/relationships tend to infect their wives/girlfriends with STDs by their refusal to use condoms. Undoubtedly this form of ignorant and irresponsible behaviour increases the chances of infectious sexual diseases rapidly plaguing the population.

Unfortunately, the UNAIDS report presented the problems but gave no precise solutions. One urgent message would be to effectiively disseminate the use of condoms throughout the social sphere. That is, ensure the message of promoting condom usage reaches males and females in grass-roots level. The usage of condoms alone will have an impact in lessening the flow of STDs in our society.

My Story Published

2009-06-27T23:15:00.000-07:00

http://www.thedailystar.net/magazine/2009/06/04/fiction.htm

France and Burkha

2009-06-25T23:07:00.000-07:00

President Sarkozy's proposal to ban the burkha in France as a sign of opression against Muslim females as to be one of the worst forms of discrimination agsint free choice.

Many Muslim females choose to dorn the burkha as a sign of their total submission to the will of Allah. Rarely, is the burkha forced upon the females. Yes, I am sure if one is to nitpick one may locate certain cases where females may state that they had no choice and were forced to accept the burkha by their husbands/families etc. But again, most females choose to wear the burkha.

So, it is indeed a sad sight to see a nation that gave birth to the principles of equality and fraternity consider robbing their Muslim female citizens of their volition. Why should the burkha be banned? What about the Muslim women who wish to wear the burkha? Who will protect their rights to do as they wish? Who will aid them in protesting against their suppression of free choice?I don't choose to wear the burkha but I wouldn't like my government telling me I can't wear it? What about my right to make my own decision?

Sarkozy is highly misinformed if he claims the burkha is a sign of oppression for Muslim females. The burkha is worn by females who choose to adorn it as their sign of total submission. Not as an obligation to their religion.

IRAN and Us

2009-06-25T22:28:00.000-07:00

The past week has seen a massive crackdown on the demonstrators at Iran. Images of the Basij (paramilitray) force indiscriminately beating and trampling on the protestors epitomize the suppression of a democratic movement.

The demonstrations against the alleged election fraud was heralded by the international community as a long overdue national call for reforms in a theocratic regime. Watching thousands of thousands of Iranian nationals take to the streets protesting seeking new elections hit home for the viewers worldwide. In unity, we empthasized with the Iranians, watched in horror at the brutal retaliation from the government, and sympathzied with the countless martyrs that were killed for their beliefs and rights.

Faced with the massive throngs of people clamoring for their votes/voices to be heard, the regime obstinately stood by their decision to NOT nullify the election results that re-elected Ahmednijad. One would think that a theocratic regime that was borne of a revolution of young Iranians against the blatant corruption of the Shah's regime would think twice before disregarding the populace's stance. Yet the supreme leader, Khamenei, repeatedly condemned further demonstrations by the people as anti-government activites that would be harshly punished. As a result, mass demonstrations that took place after Khamenei's speech was met with brute force by the Basij.

It is inspiring to see so many young Iranian females clad in their hijabs and jeans march determinedly in the processions, screaming and shouting for their voices with the masses, refusing to give in when beaten by the Basij, and aiding the male comrades to fight back against the government's crackdown. Their active and fearless participation to place themselves in harm's way shows how the current generations of Iranian women born after the 1979 Revolution are indeed eager and courageous to fight for their rights.

Many prominent journalists are saying that the seed for a pro-reform revolution in Iran has been planted. Now only time will ripe the benefits. As we continue to watch and monitor the events in Iran, we can only hope that the Iranianscontinue to remain firm, fearless, and optimistic that their voices will indeed be acknowledged.

Iran and Technology

2009-06-17T08:12:00.000-07:00

Undoubtedly the key players inciting, chanelling, and prolonging recent demonstrations in Iran have to be Facebook, Twitter, and text messages. Those three media have effectively initiated, harnassed, implemented, and monitored the various human processions that have erupted all throughout Iran.

The government has belatedly banned foreign journalists to film demonstrations. The Iranian youth, deft in modern technology, are taking grainy and blurry shots of violence perpetuated by the secret police against them with their cell phones and disseminating through the internet.

All international news agencies are urging Iranians to post videos, audios, and even to speak on air of the scenes they have witnessed.

It must definitely be heady times in Iran right now. You can quickly spot young children among the millions of crowds roaming on the street shouting slogans, carrying banners, or remaining silent in mourning of the recent deceased. You can the sense that this is a revolution sprang from the under belly of the disenfranchised and disaffected youth who have been nurtured by progressive technology and western idealogies of freedom of speech.

Even if Ahmedinajad is declared the actual winner of the election, the Iranian populace has achieved their goal. Governments only exists though the power of the people. The Iranian populace who had once overthrown the Shah on grounds of ineffectiveness and corruption has raised their voices against a government who has long ceased to cater to their needs. It is high time the Supreme Leader realizes the precarious ledge he is on.

Emergence of Hate Groups

2009-06-15T01:20:00.000-07:00

The American media alludes that the presidency of Obama has provoked the emerging visibility of hate groups in the United States.

Think the random shooting at the Holocaust Museum in DC by a white supremacist and the random killing of Dr. George Tiller, an abortionist, by a pro-life advocate.

In recent months, many Americans have taken law and order into their own hands at the dire results of others.

Dr. George Tiller was gunned down because he performed abortions. Oftentimes, he performed abortions on fetuses that were six months old. His killer, who is now proclaiming his satisfaction in killing Tiller, is a supporter of the pro-life movememnt. Before the fateful shooting that took his life Dr. Tiller was subjected to several death threats for his line of work. Far right wingers, notably Rush Limbaugh, had publicly decreed Dr. Tiller needed to be shot. Sometimes, our words do have the effect of persuading the masses to take drastic measures.

The Holocaust Museum shooting is nothing short of anti-semitism. The man, a noted anti-semitic, member of a white supremacist group, and earlier flagged by FBI, managed to shoot and kill a security guard at the door. His actual intent in opening fire at the Musuem is still unclear.

The American media is speculating that with the election of a black president, the racists, neo-nazis, white supremacists that thrive in the under belly of the United States are feeling things are out of their control. As a result, in order to regain their sense of control over a world that is rapidly changing, they resort to brute acts of force and murder. The news pundits speculate that since the election there has been a hike in the numbers of hate groups in America.

Apparently, United States needs to be wary and vigilant of enemies within their own lands.

Israel's Vision of Palestine

2009-06-14T20:09:00.000-07:00

Netanyahu's vision of Palestine doesn't quite match the world's vision. Netanyahu, basically, envisions a Palestine that is left defenceless against its enemies. Yet Israel possess the right to bear arms. How can that be possible?

Can you imagine a state that is NOT allowed to defend itself against its enemies? Imagine in the 70s, Pakistan agreed to a state of Bangladesh, but without the right to defend itself? Essentially, Bangladesh would then be a puppet state, obliged to the whims and demands of stronger states that possess weaponry. We, Bangladeshis, would never stand for a ridiculous bargain as that. We would (and we did) demand self-autonomy and right to bear arms against any forms of foreign aggression.

Many news pundits termed Netanyahu's vision as a ghetto in place for a Palestinian state, and I have to agree. What would have been Israel's reaction if Palestine had decreed that Israel should be de-militarized? No nation can exist without having the rights to bear arms.

Probably due to pressure from Obama, Netanyahu agreed to recognize the necessity of a two-state existence; however, his interpretations will incite more displeasure and annoyance than positivity. Already pro-Palestine pundits are interpreting Netanyahu's policy speech has a impediment for the successful solution of the Palestine-Israel conflict. Already, his speech is generating ill fervour.

If Israel, indeed, wants a peace deal with Palestine that will encompass a two-state solution, then they must cease placing hypocritical and irrational bargaining chips on the table.

Iran Votes and Nothing Changes

2009-06-14T03:13:00.000-07:00

Fueled by the change in the air, the rest of the world watched as Iranians went to the voting polls. With hushed voices, whispers behind closed doors, wringing hands, and restrained optimism, the world watched and hoped that Iranians would vote for a progressive and somewhat secular regime.

Iran voted.

The old regime stays put.

A growing sense of discontent is slowly settling above the Iranian land. Once the results were broadcast and Ahmadinejad was re-elected with an alleged landslide victory, protests and demonstrations eupted in some quarters of Tehran.

It felt eerily similar to the Americans re-electing Bush for the second term.

But was our optimism justifiable?

Yes, even though Lebanon elected a western-friendly, secular, and progressive party led by Saad Hariri, could we expect the same miracle recreated in Iran?

Iran has long embraced its Islamic identity and taken it to newer levels. The Republic was borne in the ashes of colonial exploitations of Iran's vast natural reserves of oil. Once successfully overthrowing the western shadows over its lands, the Republic set to work to overturn all laws and policies implemented and reminiscient of western ideaology. In the process, however, Iran managed to achieve skills and talents to develop nuclear arms. Now Iran is seen as a pivotal power in deciding the fate of the Middle East question. It is regarded as a possible threat, renegade, enemy in thwarting the successful settlement of Israeli-Palestinian conflict.

But realistically, what was the possibility that Iran would have elected a progressive regime? It has long been shrouded in western-hating rhetoric, that any indication of a party sympathizing with western ideaology is seen as a stern opposition to the Iranian ideolgy.

The only positive outcome of the Iranian election is that the power of the young people to collectively unite under one banner and seek change has emerged. Perhaps, in four years time, the younger generation will get their chance to change their country.

Fast Forward 20 Years

2009-06-07T03:32:00.000-07:00

I was 7 when Chinese students engaged with the army at Tiananmen Square. All I recall of that gruesome period are pictures that have left indelible marks.

It has been twenty years since that day. Now I am cognizant enough to grasp the full historical context of that tragic demonstration against brute force.

However, the path to freedom in China isn't over.

Watching CNN, I was aghast at the extent the Chinese government reached to blanket all media interest in the Tiananmen Square. Plainclothes Chinese officials blocked international reporters from filming and reporting stories from famed Square. At internet cafes, social sites like Twitter were blocked. Even any mention of Tinanmen Square and China's past brutal history on international news agencies like CNN were blacked out.

But who in China will protest such violations of freedom of press?

The extensive tentacles of the Chinese government is indeed long, dark, and fearful.

Two US Journalists Under Trail in North Korea

2009-06-04T05:01:00.001-07:00

Another story of two young female US journalists, Laura Ling and Euna Lee, being incarcerated and brought to a shrouded state trial for espionage in North Korea.

The two journalists' families on US TV assert that their relatives had no intent to venture into North Korea illegally. Yet they were arrested in North Korea for being there without proper travel papers.

Even though currently the two journalists are under trial and their fate is garnering immense media attention, the US government hasn't taken any overt actions to come to the rescue of the US citizens. Perhaps similar to Roxana Saberi's case, there may be negotiating behind closed doors, however, the fate of the journalists is left uncertain and daunting.

President Obama and Islam

2009-06-04T04:39:00.000-07:00

Today President Obama, at the Cairo University in Egypt, gave quite the noted performance. His speech to say the least was electrifying, constructive, and expansive in terms of covered issues.

As many expected, Pres Obama admonished Israel from expanding and forging new settlements, which are in direct violations of Resolution 242. This clause clearly demarcates the areas of Isareli settlements; which Isarel for the last two decades has been chiefly ignoring with the support of the western powers. However, Pres Obama made clear that no longer will the US be supporting such negative and illegal occupation of lands that are rightfully Palestine's.

President Obama, again, reminded Israel that a Palestinian state needs to be granted. However, I feel that this is one line that needs to be acted upon instead of repeated over and over again.

The President also proceeded to assert that the US is not at war with Islam, which bears repeating as much as possible. This is one perspective that has sunk into the collective minds of most Islamic states. Regardless of Pres Obama's promises, words, and actions, the past brutality and mistrust forged by the Bush Administration towards Islam cannot be easily forgotten by the Muslim world.

Overall, President Obama achieved another historic event. He kept his promise during his presidential campaigns of reaching out to the Muslim world from a major Muslim state.

More info about Pres Obama's speech can be attained from here:

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/06/05/world/middleeast/05prexy.html?pagewanted=2&hp

Hospitals Youtubing Live Operations

2009-05-25T07:51:00.001-07:00

NY Times has a disturbing article on how hospitals to stay competitive in marketing themselves have adopted videoing and showcasing their patients' operations in real time.

Am I the only one who is super freaked out by this?

There are plenty of ethical issues tangled with these practices. Firstly, how are the patients consenting to this form of violation of their privacies? Are they getting paid, receiving discounts on their medical bills, or simply just eager for the notoriety gained at Youtube by their audacious videos? Secondly, how are the hospitals providing adequate care when they are parading their patients on the internet heavily sedated undergoing at times life-threatening surgeries?

What happens if a patient dies on the table? Are we then rewarded by watching death live on the internet? How is that NOT going against the grain of proper social norms?

I'm also concerned why the insurance companies who leap at the chance to say no to critical procedures for ill patients are not vilifying this form of obscene violation? Are they getting a cut of the deal as well?

Most certainly, in my opinion, the hospitals need to cease exploiting their patients misfortunes for free publicity. By condoning these dehumanizing practices, we are one small step away from watching people die on tv.

More Closed Doors Confession

2009-05-21T06:14:00.000-07:00

Another military personnel came forth declaring the US military (she confessed to being an active participant) used abusive practices to coerce suspects into signing confessions.

According to her interview with CNN, she exposed a known terrorist suspect who was imprisoned for seven years, repeatedly and regularly exposed to violent beatings and dehumanizing activities to a point where he willingly signed a confession stating he was a terror suspect. However now he is living safely in his own country after being fully exonerated by the US government.

The military woman further stated that she actually believed he was the enemy and at her own volition engaged in carrying out abusive actions against him only to find out that he was innocent of all charges. Now she feels compelled to state the truth about US's not so discreet manner of abusing suspects in prison.

Her new account of torture in US prisons bags the questions what form of intelligence does United States utilize to flag and capture terrorists suspects?

FBI Foiled Future Jihad Strike in NY

2009-05-21T05:38:00.000-07:00

Today on AC360, Anderson Cooper interviewed a Repulican congressman from NY on the capture of alleged terrorists in NY. The congressman in his limited knowledge of the men kept on emphasizing several times that they are all MUSLIMS. He must have repeated the terrorists' religion at every third word. Obviously, one of the men being of Afghan descent and the other three being recent converts of Islam while in prison struck the nail on their coffins. Even after acknowledging that he had little information of the entire event, he kept on highlighting that they were MUSLIMS and had supposedly planned on attacking a synagogue.

The three men who converted into Islam in prison interests me the most. Which prison? Why were they there in the first place? Who are these men? What prompted them to convert? And how do newly converts automatically raise their arms in violence to protect their religion?

Mass Rape in Liberia

2009-05-20T23:17:00.000-07:00

Nicholas Kristof's NY Times column today exposes the cultural acceptance of rape in Liberia long after the war is over. He recounts the cases of minor girls who have been raped and now living in shelters for rape survivors. The inspirational part of his piece is the young Jackie declaring that she wants to one day become the president of Liberia and build houses for abused girls.

The most chillingly aspect of his piece is the thought that Liberian men have become conditioned to not regard rape as an awful act of brute power overcoming helplessness. Instead according to Kristof, when men feel like sex they just overcome the nearest girl. Forceful sex with unwilling partners isnt a terrible deed for Liberian men, it is a customary act of asserting and satisfying their power and sexual needs respectively. Unfortunately, the public health system does not seem capable to cater to rape victims. Many cases are transferred to the main hospital in Monrovia to adequately provide halthcare facilities. Hence in remote regions, raped victims are often left untreated which undoubtedly leads to sever health complications.

This form of social deconstruction of rape will wreck havoc for the females' movement and for their security. The prospect of generations of females being raped at minor ages is highly plausible. How many of them are like Jackie? How many of them have the courage and the determination to overcome the injustices and abuses imposed upon them? How many of them can have hopes for positive futures?

Iran First

2009-05-20T08:57:00.000-07:00

Today Iran tried out a new short-range missile. Instinctively, the media started speculating how Iran's action affects the Middles East question and to Israel's security. I caught a few shows replaying the video of the missile shooting across the horizon with the ominous voice in the background stating the missile was capable of reaching Israel from Iran. Lately, editorials in top news sites have already started commenting on Iran's non-committal stance in response to President Obama's overtures of efficient and effective candid discussion between the two countries. The media has been portraying Iran as aloof, less eager thereby less keen, reluctant, and uninterested to actively resolve the conflict and tension spawned between the two nations and carefully nurtured by the Bush'a administration. When the question of Iran's right to bear arms sprouts, many highlight the hypocrisy of Israel possessing arms yet Iran being censured for talking about being a participant of the nuclear arms race. As one columnist in the NY Times stated prior to Israeli Prime Minister's Benjamin Netanyahu's visit to Washington, it would be quite a hypocrisy on United States's behalf to admonish Iran for seeking nuclear arms while condoning Israel's cache of such weaponry. Yet, there we had President Obama, with PM Netanyahu adjacent to him, assert Iran possessing any forms of nuclear arsenal will be the harbinger of the end of days. A few days later Iran went ahead and carried out a missile.

It seems the more the West attempts to admonish, castigate, or simply frighten Iran to back down, the more Iran in a fit of teenage rebellion does the opposite. Perhaps, instead of publicly denouncing Iran's nuclear ambitions, the Obama administration can proactively reach out across borders and bring Iranian diplomats to the table behind closed doors. Or better yet, perhaps instead of massaging Israel by publicly vilifying Iran's actions, they can encourage a progressive and effective engagement among the three nations.

Bangladesh's First Harassment Case?

2009-05-18T04:53:00.000-07:00

Today I read about the epic court decision overturning a previous decision where victims of a sexual harassment case by a professor at Jahannigar University were expelled from their school and the perpetrator was fully exonerated. Yet today the court decided that the previous decision was erroneous, summoned a new investigation into evidence of wrongdoing by the University.

A couple of years ago, a few female students from said University filed a sexual harassment case against one of their professors. However, their search for justice was thwarted by the overwhelming social sympathy for the male figure. In other words, the legal system penalized the female victims for voicing the misconduct of their professor, while rewarding and condoning the professor's inappropriate behavior by pardoning him.

This legal case clearly delineats the patriarchal society which we still inhabit. Men get away doing worse things, while females are hindered and censured for standing up for themselves and highlighting the fallacies of their male counterparts. But, perhaps, with the overturning of the previous court's decision and the new inquiry into the University's actions and the victims' case can be used to crack the patriarchal ceiling.

Females, especially victims, need a secure and safe platform to speak out against their perpetrators. The perpetrators of crimes must be taken to court and lawfully tried in order to thwart future smilar accidents occuring, and display the supreme fact that justice is indeed blind, and perpetrators must pay for their crimes.

Jahangirnagar University Students Win Landmark Victory on Sexual Harassment Case

2009-05-18T02:10:00.001-07:00

My friend emailed this to me today ----

High Court Holds Illegal University Decisions to Exonerate Teacher of Charges, Expel StudentsDirects Fresh Inquiry based on New Sexual Harassment GuidelinesSummaryThe High Court gave a landmark judgment today in the first application of its Sexual Harassment Guidelines pronounced on 14 May.One year ago, in May 2008, four women students at Jahangirnagar University made complaints of serial sexual harassment against their teacher and the Chairperson of the Drama Department, Sanowar Hossain Sunny. The University appointed three separate inquiry committees, which examined witnesses and issued reports with clear findings against the teacher. During this period, the students continued to face threats and harassment. In September 2008, the University announced that Sunny was 'exonerated of all charges of sexual harassment as they had not been proved beyond a reasonable doubt'. Later the University also proceeded to pass orders of temporary expulsion against four of the women complainants, and two male students who had given evidence in their favour.Prof Sirajul Islam Chowdhury and others filed a public interest petition challenging the University's decision and actions. Later the victim-complainants and the two other students also became parties to the petition (Prof Sirajul Islam and others v Jahangirnagar University and others Writ Petition 9414 of 2008).Today the High Court held that the decisions taken by the University to exonerate Sunny on the one hand, and to expel the students on the other, were both without lawful authority. It also directed the University to hold a fresh inquiry into the incident, with independent persons, on the basis of the new Guidelines on Sexual Harassment pronounced in BNWLA v Bangladesh . Citing judgments of the Supreme Courts of Bangladesh, India and Pakistan, the Court held that corroboration was not always required to prove allegations of sexual violence, and further that the standard of 'beyond a reasonable doubt' could not be applicable in cases of this nature, relating to disciplinary inquiries regarding allegations of sexual harassment. The Court also noted that Jahangirnagar University authorities had failed 'for reasons best known to themselves' to adopt their own guidelines on sexual harassment, and therefore in the absence of any applicable law, the High Court's new guidelines should be applied to any fresh inquiry.A Division Bench comprising Justice Syed Mahmud Hossain and Justice Quamrul Islam Siddiqi passed the judgment today.The writ petition was filed by eminent citizens Prof. Sirajul Islam Chowdhury and Kamal Lohani, and three human rights organisations, Ain o Salish Kendra, Nijera Kori and Kormojibi Nari.[1] Four women students of Jahagirnagar University who had made complaints of sexual harassment, and two others who gave evidence, were also joined as petitioners during the course of the hearing.Sara Hossain, with Ramzan Ali Sikder, Ainun Nahar Lipi and Abantee Nurul appeared for the public interest petitioners. Ruhul Quddus Babu appeared for the students.BackgroundComplaints: In May 2008, four women students submitted written complaints of serial sexual harassment against Asst Prof Sanowar Hossain Sunny of the Drama and Dramatic Theory Department. The University set up a preliminary inquiry committee, and then a further verification committee both of which made prima facie findings against the teacher. On consideration of their reports, the Syndicate established a Full Inquiry Committee under Section 44 of the Jahangirnagar University Act. This report was submitted to the Syndicate which passed a decision in September to exonerate the said teacher of all charges of sexual harassment on the ground that in the absence of eyewitnesses these had not been 'proved beyond reasonable doubt'. This decision was passed despite clear findings by each Inquiry Committee against the teacher, including findings by the Final Inquiry Committee of misconduct against the teacher, and that his behaviour was 'wholly improper and unbefitting of a teacher' and recommending action against him. The University, despite having powers to do so, had never suspended the teacher pending inquiry.Appeals filed by the students to the Chancellor of the University, also the President of the country, went unheeded.Expulsion and Threats: In October, the University then reinstated the teacher. Following his return to the campus, and an altercation with students, the accused teacher made a complaint against six students (two of whom were among the women who had made complaints against him and two of whom were male students who had given evidence against him). The Syndicate moved the same day to pass orders of temporary expulsion on these six students. A section of the Jahagirnagar University Teachers Association then held processions and meetings demanding the immediate expulsion of the students, and refused to hold classes unless action was taken. Some of these teachers were at the same time involved in the disciplinary proceedings against the students.During this entire period, the victim complainants and others witnesses had been subjected to repeated threats and warned that unless they stopped pursuing their claims against the teacher, they would face dire consequences. These threats were reported to the University Authorities but no action was taken.High Court Orders: On 27 October, the High Court issued a Rule Nisi on the University and also stayed the orders of temporary expulsion passed on the students. It asked Jahangirnagar University Authorities to show cause among others as to why its to exonerate Sanower Hossain Sunny should not be declared to be without lawful authority and why a fresh inquiry should not be held into the matter. It also stayed operation of the orders of the Syndicate suspending six students of the University including four of the women who had originally made complaints against this teacher and two other who had given evidence against him.The University in its response to the Court stated that it had acted with 'due process' and justified the action taken against the student victims of sexual harassment. As a result of the High Court's orders, it submitted copies of the reports of the three Inquiry Committees to the Court.
Sexual Harassment Guidelines: It should be noted that calls for formulation of Guidelines on Sexual Harassment had first come from students and teachers of Jahagirnagar University, in the wake of earlier incidents of serial sexual harassment, from more than ten years ago, involving both teachers and students as perpetrators. Although the JU Syndicate had mandated the framing of such Guidelines, it ultimately failed to adopt these Guidelines.In the meantime, in 2008, the University Grants Commission, in the context of the new reports of sexual harassment surfacing at JU and Dhaka University, and in response to calls from women's organisations, including Bangladesh Mohila Porishod, set up a drafting committee to prepare new Guidelines. This Committee drew heavily on the Jahangirnagar draft, and revised it following consultations with civil society organisations and academics. But ultimately the Education Ministry failed to adopt the Guidelines the decision. Earlier this month, it held that it would not proceed with the UGC guidelines, but instead called on each University to frame its own rules and regulations - leaving victims of sexual harassment with no effective redress. In this context, the High Court's Guidelines in Bangladesh National Women Lawyers Association v Bangladesh, pronounced on 14 May 2009, have filled a much needed gap in the law, and today's judgment shows how they can be immediately utilised to open up new possibilities for legal protection and also to hold authorities responsible for creating a violence free educational environment.For further information, please contactSara Hossain, 01713 031828, sarahossain@gmail.comRuhul Quddus, 01711 434891[1] Represented by Sultana Kamal, ED, ASK, Khushi Kabir, Coordinator, Nijera Kori and Shirin Akhter, President KN respectively.

Children of the Streets

2009-05-14T22:48:00.000-07:00

It can be daunting at times to encounter a bevy of young children (who should be under ordinary circumstances similar to their privileged counterparts playing with toys or finishing their homeworks) out on the streets selling flowers, books, trinkets, or begging for money. These children of the streets (poignantly captured and glamourized in Slumdog Millionaire) are, without a doubt, as street smart and savvy as they are robbed of childhood memories typical of your and mine. From an even younger age, most of these children are forced to earn their own and their families' livelihoods. Whether by begging or through selling trinkets, they are expected to return home with enough cash to guarantee some food in their bellies and another day of looking forward to the same challenges again. Let us not also forget that most of these kids who go home to their families at the end of the day are generally regarded as the fortunate ones. Oftentimes, you hear of horrific tales of young children being pimped out to lecherous clients for sex. With all of these harrowing and life-threatending prospects engulfing them each day, it is always a surprise and a relief to encounter these young urchins offering flowers with huge toothy grins and words of encouragment to buy.

Islam and Homosexuality

2009-05-12T08:33:00.000-07:00

I watched quite a poignant film at our workshop today. The documentary is titled "A Jihad for Love". The documentary displayed the lives of several Muslims who are homosexuals. The aspects of the film that stood out for me are:

The people identified themselves as devout Muslims. They religiously practised and observed the rules and regulations of Islam. Yet they were quite candid about their homosexuality.
The people attempted to reconcile their lifestyle through the Quran. Instead of (mis)interpreting the story of Sodom and Gomorah as God's punishment against homosexuals in general, the South African Iman interpreted it as God censuring the sinners who were engaging in transgression against human rights. I, for one, am more inclined to believe the Iman's interpretation then accept the Quran vilifies homosexuality.
Finally, most of the gay folks in the film had absconded to different countries for refuge due to harassment or violence experienced within their own countries because of their identity.

Personally, I found the folks dedication to their religion quite interesting. I suppose as I don't define myself through my religion, I found others' constructions of their self via Islam quite an innovative outlook. However, their tenacity to accept, define, and believe in the righteousness of their own lifestyle and path was sheer inspirational. Why should their choice, their right to be who they are be denied, invalidated, abused, and censured by others, let alone by religion itself?

I Spy

2009-05-10T06:32:00.000-07:00

The fate of Roxana Saberi sends chills down my spine. Here is a young female, possessing a dual citizenship (both American and Iranian), living in Iran as a journalist. She reports on mundane news surrounding Iranian issues and lifestyle. She never advocated and/or engaged in any overt form of anti-government practices. Yet, one night she finds herself arrested for buying liquor. The next thing the media hears is that she has been accused of espionage, trialed, found guilty, and sentenced to eight years in prison. Within a short span, Roxana Saberi's life has been trapped into a dark box.

Enough media attention hasn't been given to the trial proceedings of Roxana. You can see her name and story mentioned here and there accompanied by a picture of a young girl just like you and me. The accusation of espionage is indeed a grave topic. But the United States did not seem overtly concerned in extricating Roxana from this web. What is exactly going on?

Now, you hear of her lawyers appealing her case, and confident that the appeal will go through. That is a relief in many instances. But why isn't there an American outcry over the imprisonment of a American citizen? So, what if she is part Iranian. She is also American. Isn't that enough? Doesn't she deserve justice and proper investogation into the charges brought against her?

It is quite puzzling and disturbing to see the media's almost numbness in reporting on Roxana Saberi. Who is she? Why has this happened to her? What was she doing? And what will happen now? These are important questions that need to be asked, answered, and exposed now.

A fear of Iran-United States stand off doesnt warrant juggling with the live of a young innocent female.

UPDATE - She's freed! Yay! Whether due to covert political pressure or deals, Roxana Saberi is a freed woman!

Gay Rights in Bangladesh

2009-05-06T08:33:00.000-07:00

In a country where it is the norm to see two men, even more, walk hand in hand down the streets, the prospect of gay rights or gay people in general ruffle quite the feathers. People prefering same-sex relations are of course plenty in Bangladesh, as elsewhere around the world. It is, afterall, quite normal to be attracted to your own sex and regardless of being hotly debated, scientists do claim of a gay gene. However, after all is said and done, non-gay people in Bangladesh squirm and wince at the thought of their next door neighbour, their cousin, or their friend being gay.

In a country where women still have to fight for their rights, gay people are further marginalized. Hence, it is no surprise that when we hear of gay men, they are usually associated with the glam and glitz of the media world, where their behaviours are seen with a gentle sway of the head and a wry smile. However, as sexism is inherent in Bangladeshi men, I have noticed the innate dislike towards gay culture. Oftentimes, just as gays are negatively portrayed in foreign lands, Bangladeshi men consider gay men substantially inferior and open to mockery and degradation.

Yet with the influx of western media upon Bangladeshi society and sensibility, one can dare to dream that the attitude towards gays and lesbians will be evolving as well. Afterall, without sounding cliched or trite, they aren't aberrations of nature, they are ordinary folks just like you and me.

BRAC's Center for Gender, Sexuality, and HIV/AIDS is conducting a four-day workshop on a much needed issue such as gay rights and sexuality. Challenging as it may sound, gay rights and gay identity especially in regards to Bangladeshi men and women need to be showcased to the public at large. Why should ordinary tax-paying, law-abiding citizens be marginalized just because of their sexual orientations or predilections? Women, who have too often faced the brunt and bore the fetters of sexism, should wholly support and advocate for the rights of the lesbians, gays, transsexuals, and transgenders communities.

The Acid Fight

2009-05-03T05:12:00.001-07:00

http://www.thedailystar.net/newDesign/latest_news.php?nid=16673

The government has created a committee essentially to keep track of the numerous cases of acid victims and to ensure that the perpetrators are brought to justice. Definitely a progressive move on the part of the current administration to recognize, record, provide security, and thwart future acid abuses. However, more details about this newly formed committee must be released. Furthermore, I sincerely hope that the committee manages to adhere to their convictions and bring to a successful close the multitudes of acid victims cases still pending.

Domestic Help and their Rights

2009-04-30T22:32:00.000-07:00

Today's Star Weekend Mag had a compelling and warranted expose on the labour laws currently under regulation in Bangladesh. Unfortunately, those labour laws do not apply to domestic help. Domestic help must adhere to the rules set by their masters and/or mistresses. Calling them serfs depending on the people they work for isn't too much of a stretch. Sadly, domestic help, primarily young kids, are expected to work tediously long hours without suitable forms of breaks under the stern principle that any mistakes on their behalf will result in physical abuse from their employers.

You always hear or read about horrific cases where young children, especially females, are brutally beaten by their mistresses, taunted and mocked by the children left in their care, and/or raped or molested by their masters or other male occupants in the house. It almost seems as if a young female is signing away her right to live once she agrees to work as a domestic help. The amount of stories depicting severe abuse whether phsyical, emotional, mental, and verbal upon hapless domestic help far exceeds the number of stories where domestic help are safely ensconed working with kind families.

It is quite shameful that these domestic helpers who work several long hours at usually terrible conditions are not subjected to labour laws that will ensure better working conditions and wages inclusive of holidays. The public must initiate a mass movement to guarantee domestic help are recognized as human beings entitled to good working terms and hours, decent treatment from their employers, and above all, entitled to voice their experiences if ill treated or worse. Would we, as employees ourselves, expect anything less from our employers?

Women in Quran

2009-04-24T01:05:00.000-07:00

In the Quran, Satan asks Adam to eat an apple from the Tree of Knowledge. So, Adam and Eve(depicted as his wife) both eat from the Tree. It is of great significance that Satan is encouraging and thereby tempting Adam and NOT Eve to eat the apple. In the Bible, Eve has been vilified as the sole temptress in cahoots with Satan who beckons Adam to go astray. Yet in the Quran it is Adam that makes the fatal decision and fallacy.

Usually, when you hear of Islam and women, stories abounds in mainstream media how Islam, or rightly the fundamentalist strand, suppresses women's rights and identities. Women fall under the full jurisdiction of being contolled, dictated by, and living for and under the rule of their fathers or husbands. However, once you start reading the Quran, you will encounter, oftentimes, gross misinterpretations of the passages propagated by extreme Muslims. In many instances, the Quran dictates that women need to be taken care of and not subjected to the rigid control of men. Furthermore, the Quran heralds women as equal to men in all aspects.

Yet, fundamentalists Muslims strive to dominate and discriminate against women using the Quran as justifiable proof for their absurb and downright bizarre rules. The Shiite Law under contention in Afghanistan, and the video of a young Pakistani girl being whipped in public by men for a minor transgression such as leaving her home without permission or having an affair (the actual reason still shrouded in mystery) add credence to Islam being portrayed as the lone dissident against women rights.

Mainstream media loves a good story especially if it comes packed with tangible victims and villains. Too often, the very nature of Islam is seen as the ultimate villain when stories such as the above are making the rounds.

Bangladeshis in Iraq

2009-04-22T21:54:00.000-07:00

NY Times ran this article about Bangladeshis working in Iraq. Surprisingly, even in Iraq amidst the turmoil and economic woes, Iraqis still find time to turn down jobs that they consider beneath them. This is where Bangladeshi workers swoop in to gladly take up those jobs and live in less than stellar accomodations. One of the cited worker mentioned he resided in a single room with other Bangladeshi men which can only be accessed by a ladder. The article further stated how the lives of these Bangladeshi workers tend to solely revolve around their jobs. They often dont see much of greater Iraq beyond their vicinity for rational fears of being killed or worse. Personally, I wonder what depraved conditions are those Bangladeshi workers in their own country for them to opt for working in Iraq?

Torture the Bush Way II

2009-04-22T05:56:00.000-07:00

The Bush White House began planning for torture in December 2001, set up a program to develop the interrogation techniques by the next month, and the military and the CIA began training interrogators in coercive practices in early 2002, before they had any high-value al-Qaida suspects or any trouble eliciting information from detainees.

-Mark Benjamin, Torture Planning Began in 2001 @Salon.com

There we have it in a nutshell - the truth about torture under the Bush's regime. Contrary to what we have been told, the Bush administration did not seek redefining torture and implementing new torturing procedures as a last ditch effort to save mankind but was earlier conceived by Rumsfeld and others post 9/11. The most terrifying aspect of this report is how glibly President Bush defended and lied to the American public and to the greater world audience about their new torturing procedures. He assured that they were ONLY used in cases where the terrorist suspects had been taught to withstand and evade typical interrogation techniques. But the truth is far scarier and disturbing.

I wonder what happens now? There are already several lawsuits filed against the Bush administration by tortured victims from Guatanamo Prison who declared they were illegally interned and tortured. But with these new revelations and with the swarming of the global media around these reports and punditry, will it open the pandora's box for newer victims to come forth and testify their experiences in being interrogated using 'special procedures' devised by the Bush's regime?

Torture the Bush Way

2009-04-21T11:53:00.000-07:00

The Geneva Convention has very clear, precise, and stringent rules outlining what forms of behaviors constitute as torture. Accordingly, all nations under the UN umbrella must adhere, practice, safeguard, and propragate the principles regarding human life decreeed by the Covention. However, with the release of the torture memos under the Bush administration, it is easy to discern how the rules of the Geneva Convention were manipulated, contorted, maligned, and at times even wholly disregarded in President Bush's path of capturing the perpetrators of 9/11. The memos are at once highly disturbing and intriguing to see the extent the Bush administration resorted to in utilizing any means to justify their ends or their causes. The fiasco of Abu Ghraib prison prominently comes to mind. But there are and must have been other Abu Ghraibs in different international locales propagating the Bush administration's newly defined terms of torture and applicable torturing methods. That said, it is quite encouraging to note that the Obama administration, in the pursuit of truth and transparency, have disclosed the memos. However, one can question, why shouldn't the masterminds of these blatant disregard of the Geneva Convention and of human life not be held accountable for their actions? What immunes them from being prosecuted for defining and perpetrating heinous crimes on humans in their pursuit of an ideal world? Even though the Bush administration is long past deceased, their actions over the last seven years carries far reaching and palpable consequences across the globe and through the age. The Bush legacy holds strong and travels far. It would be a great shame for the Obama adminstration to NOT create an impartial committtee that can thoroughly investigate any and all trangressions against human life conducted under Bush's regime. It may be all in the past, but we are now bearing the brunt of all the mistakes and miscalculations committed by President Bush and his cronies. They must be brought to justice.

Two Pink Lines

2009-04-18T03:52:00.000-07:00

As the plane gracefully glided through the air, making large slow circles above the airport, I knew destiny had called me to the stand today. Suddenly I stood up, sat down again, felt self-conscious, anxious, stood up again, and walked to the nearest windows to look out. There were three small cargo planes stacked in a horizontal row on my left, and two huge jets neatly parked waiting for fuel. Or so I imagined. Lightly pressing my forehead against the glass panel, I prayed wordlessly in gratitude.

*

It was the hottest day of that year, I recall, the weatherman had issued a list of advisory precautions to defend against heat strokes and dehydration. Stay indoors, carry water bottles, move slowly, and don’t stay out for too long under the sun. By even six in the morning, you could tell by the heat that the day was going to be a killer. As I quietly re-checked your luggage mentally checking off all the items packed, I wished it was just an ordinary Sunday.

You were in the bathroom showering and shaving. I quietly entered and saw your naked body through the opaque glass doors. There were scattered spots of foam on the sink from your shaving which you had forgotten to wipe clean. Ordinarily that forgetfulness would have incited an argument between us, but today I couldn’t, didn’t, and wouldn’t care. Fear lodged in my throat, but I had promised us I would not cry. I could not cry. I had shed enough tears leading up to this day. I had pleaded, implored, cursed, threatened, and even prayed. But to no avail. You always gently and consistently explained you were obliged to serve your duty and that you had to serve your country.

As the water trickled to a halt, I quickly left the bathroom and went downstairs to make breakfast. Today of all days I wasn’t going to send you out on an empty stomach. The rooms already seemed empty, vague, and unfamiliar. The house seemed distant, distrustful, and almost a stranger. Were you feeling the same, I wondered? Were you, too, feeling the air of foreboding encroaching upon our tiny abode? For Chris sake Anira, I’m a shrink, just a shrink! How much action do you think a shrink sees in the military? Come here, don’t be ridiculous! All I’ll be doing down there is listening to the soldiers’ talk about themselves, that’s all. I won’t most certainly be in the front line fighting the damn Talibans by making them pour out their innermost secrets to me!

“Mmm, what smells so wonderful? Is it possible that Anira is actually preparing breakfast?” you jokingly asked, as you walked into the kitchen. You grabbed my waist and swooped down your head for a kiss.
“Ha ha, funny, funny,” I retorted, as I tilted my head to meet your mouth. “You’re not the only one who can cook, Sam.”

“I know,” you chuckled.

You picked up the plate of toasts and the pot of brewing tea and sat at the table. A large man, you were quite agile in your mobility. As I whisked the eggs I quietly observed you engaged in the morning papers. Five years ago if you had told me I was going to be with a shaada man, least of all a soldier, I would have laughed in derision. Reared in a family of soldiers, I grew up detesting the rigid disciplinary lifestyle imposed upon my brothers and me by our father. Departing to America was a welcoming emancipation from my family. My rigidly Bangladeshi family. They didn’t approve of you. I wasn’t surprised. Amma’s silence at the end of the line when I announced my engagement told me all. I had fooled myself into believing they would relent knowing you too were descended from a military lineage. But Baba didn’t care to know about you. As far as he was concerned I had betrayed my roots, my culture, and my past by marrying a shaada, a foreigner, non-Bangladeshi. I didn’t even dare tell them you were fifteen years older than me and a divorcee. I never got that far.

“Eggs need much beating, darling?” you asked, with a mischievous grin.

“Huh? Oh, sorry, was just thinking.” I shook away my reverie and proceeded to fry the omelettes.

“Hmmm.”

“Here you go, darling. A feast of delight, if I may say so myself,” I gaily announced, placing the plate of omelettes on the table. “It’s Spanish Frittatas.”

“I’m impressed….mmmm…it even tastes good,” you said, and with a gusto dived into the food.

I didn’t want to ruin this ordinary breakfast, I swear I didn’t, but I couldn’t stop the words as they propelled through my mouth. “So, where are you stationed again?”

You looked up at me, your chewing momentarily paused. As a shrink, I knew, you always took the time to carefully use the correct and unthreatening words to convey your point across. So, I was ready for your glib response.

“Darling Anira…I told you already. I’ll be temporarily stationed in Kabul. Perhaps if and when needed and as determined by HQ, I might be posted in one of the hotter regions. But that depends on whether they require my service.” Chewing ensued. “For now, baby, I’ll be safely cocooned in Kabul, far way from any form of action.”

I nodded. I had nothing left to ask.

*

There were several families clustered in a line saying their last goodbyes to their departing partners. We were one of them. As you were greeted respectfully by your subordinates, I hugged and kissed some of the wives I had befriended since our marriage. I was the youngest among them. The only brown one. But together we shared a bond that transcended color, age, and geography. Together we shared the fear, the longing, the uncertainty, and the inevitability of having your beloved depart for an unfamiliar and enemy-laden terrain without knowing if they will ever return. I knew I had their support to get me through the nights and days I found myself alone in our home.

“Darling, it’s time,” you softly whispered, as you cradled me once more in your arms.

I buried my head against your chest. I wrapped my arms around you and held on tight, embarrassed by my tears. I couldn’t speak. I was scared of the words that would fall out of my mouth. I was scared of my fears. I was scared of the unimaginable.

“Oh darling…oh my baby…” you whispered softly, “take care of yourself. You know how much I love you…don’t worry honey…oh don’t worry about a thing…I’ve been on so many missions like these and I always never see any action…please don’t worry. Oh baby…my precious…I love you so much..”

I grabbed you tighter unwilling to let you go. You can’t, you mustn’t, you won’t leave me here alone, I shouted silently.

“Baby, I must go…I have to go…Oh Anira, I’ll be back…you’ll see…in six months I will return.”

“Sir, we are boarding,” announced a subordinate, hovering anxiously, embarrassed at having to interrupt us.

You nodded and the solider quietly walked away towards the plane.
“Anira…baby…I love you,” you said one last time, as you pulled away from my embrace. “Take good care of yourself….stay safe…and I’ll call you as soon as I find a phone.”

I nodded, still too scared to say anything. I clamped my mouth shut. You leaned towards me and kissed my forehead. Then you walked away.

As you neared your plane, and turned back once more to look at me, I ran. I ran, I ran with sudden propulsion and flung myself in your arms again.

“Come back….promise…come back to me…” I implored.

“Promise” he muttered.

*
The instructions read two minutes for the results to appear. Two minutes. I placed the thin strip down on the counter and sat on the edge of the tub. I buried my head in my hands. How could this be? How could we be so careless? I tried to decrease my throbbing beats, taking slow deep breaths; I tried to concentrate on something, anything. Two minutes. I checked my watch and saw I had a minute and ten seconds left.

I never skipped a month. Never. That alone should have been a harbinger. But I was too naive. Oh, what will I do now?

I stood up, sat down, stood up again, and paced the tiny bathroom. I glanced at the strip to make sure it was still on the counter. I wish I could speak to someone. I wish I could speak to you. But you were stationed at Tikrit now. You rang consistently but oftentimes for three minutes or less. You sounded quite well. A bit agitated at the escalating violence, the desolation of your surroundings, the deteriorating conditions of the soldiers who sought your help; but you put up a good façade for me. You told me small snippets of your life there, what you ate, who you saw, in general, informing and assuring me that you were safe. Those brief calls did not allay my fears. However, I duly came to accept its presence. It is rational; I told myself, it is perfectly normal to have those fears. You told me so yourself.

One minute. I sat down again but my legs started shaking. Uncontrollably. What shall I do? What if..? No, I can’t be. I’m not ready. We aren’t ready. We had spoken about children once, when you were courting me, and we were trying to figure each other out. I was still in grad school. You came to our school to give a series of lectures on the modern affects of post-traumatic stress on the soldiers’ minds. You were the sole thing I took away from those lectures.

Forty seconds. What will you say? Will you be happy? Are you ready?

Thirty seconds. Am I ready?

Twenty five seconds. I think I’m ready. We had talked about this, and negotiated based on your age, and both our careers, that we could have two children. I wanted two girls.

Twenty seconds. I knew you wanted a son. A son with whom to play baseball and basketball, and other typical American games fathers played with their sons. You wanted a son to carry on your family’s military legacy.

Ten seconds. The phone started ringing. I glanced at my watch and knew it had to be you. You usually called around this time. I neared towards the strip. I had to receive your phone call.

Five seconds. Two pink lines appeared on the strip, growing pinkish by the seconds.

I crushed the strip in my hands and hurried to pick up your call.

*

You had kept your promise. You came back to me.

The descending plane smoothly graced upon the landing strip. As it neared its hangar, the cluster of subdued families moved towards our designated waiting spot. I recognized some faces, we quietly exchanged looks. Words failed us at this time.

I quietly followed the wives outside towards the hangar, panting slightly, carrying my enlarging body. Amma walked beside me, gently holding my arm. She was so concerned about me now. I heard her, last night, plead to Baba imploring him to convince me to go back with them to Bangladesh. But I couldn’t, I wouldn’t now. A few of the wives smiled at my expanding abdomen and whispered helpful hints to me. I nodded without hearing them. I do that now. Words have ceased to be of use to me. I just use them to speak to you when we are alone.

The air was thick with grief and disbelief. As the coffins draped with stars and stripes flags were gently lowered from the plane, I smiled. I was the lucky one, I told myself. I was the fortunate one among the rest.
----------------------

High Seas Pirates

2009-04-18T03:36:00.000-07:00

Although it is plausible to romanticize all pirates as incarnates of swishbuckling pirateer Captain Jack Sparrow, in reality, the escalating encounters of pirates kidnapping, capturing, and confronting international vessels on the high seas is quite troublesome.

Usually, the pirates, (most likely Somalians) tend to focus on American ships. American ships with American crew or materials and supplies destined for the American heartland automatically guarantees immense media attention. The last encounter where the pirates had captured Alabama Mersk and traded the crew for their American captain is a prime example of the massive media attention generated upon the otherwise unknown lives of the crew and their American captain. After a harrowing rescue operation which left several of the pirates dead, the American captain was eventually retrieved unharmed.

However, on that same day, another batch of pirates attempted to attack another vessel in nearby waters.

What is motivating these pirates to venture out and dare to attack and kidnap international vessels? Their motives and factors need to be understood and utilized in deterring future attacks. Furthermore, what form of policing and to what extent is security available for ships on the high seas? These frequent occurrences of pirate attacks can very well lead to many international vessels taking different routes to their destinations, which would lead to more time and fuel wastages. Finally, what if the pirates, motivated by their recent somewhat successful endeavours, focus on cruiseliners as their next targets? On that event, ordinary civilians' lives will be in jeopardy.

Right to Rape II

2009-04-15T21:38:00.000-07:00

Brave, mostly young, Afghan women dared to rise and march against the new Shiite law only to be verbally accosted by young Afghan men calling them "whores" and un-Islamic. One of the powerful clerics, Muhammad Hussein Jafaari, stated that they didn't want foreign powers interfering with Afghanistan's domestic policies. Funny, wasn't it foreign powers that saved Afghanistan from the clutches of the Talibans?

Regardless, the law had more clauses such as women aren't allowed to leave the home or attend school without their husband's or father's permissions, and they cannot refuse to adorn themselves if ordained by their husbands. Effectively, this law, renders women rights obsolete. Just as one of the young marchers noted in NY Times, they become mere properties.

Considering Hamid Karzai is so beloved by the US, it is deeply troubling that enough pressure isn't being enforced to efface such a law.

Right to Rape

2009-04-15T03:00:00.000-07:00

Lately all the media is abuzz with the new law implemented in Afghanistan making it permissible for husbands to rape their wives. Or so the media and the international community tells us.

I caught a bit of Al-Jazeera's interview with a rep from the Qatar University who was asked to analyze and explain this new law. Unfortunately and almost absurdly the rep trembled and floundered while attempting to define the terms 'male needs' and 'female needs'. Suffice to say, he failed to give a concrete explanation and definition of the said law.

NY Times ran an editorial today disapproving of this new law. According to it, and I paraphrase, a wife unless ill has to give in to her husband's sexual desires. I wonder what symptoms can be regarded as signs of an illness. Does it only have to be a physical ailment, or can it also be emotional and/or mental conditions? Sometimes a wife maybe physically able but mentally and/or emotionally unwilling to engage in sex. Does that then negate the women's right to say no? Or does the law sanction the husband to engage in sex with the unwilling wife and not have it labelled as rape? When does a woman's right to say no end and a man's right to violate begin? Where does those lines merge and deviate?

This new law, whether conceived under political or religious guise, is indeed quite troubling. The law, effectively, silences the wife's voice regarding her own body and her own sexual rights. More international pressure and scorn must be applied to overturn such an abusive and horrific law from further marginalizing and suppressing Afghan women.

WTF? The electricity's gone again...

2009-04-12T20:43:00.000-07:00

Let me count the times the electricity's gone in a day...6..7...hours perhaps?!!

How are we supposed to be productive, how is the nation supposed to progress, how are the citizens supposed to work when we cant even keep the lights on for a day???

Unless we install industrial generators, it is quite impossible to get any work accomplished in a stretch of time. Oftentimes, we are stymied by the sheer exhausting heat to complete any productive work.

In a country that sprouts millionaires overnight, raises and loses billions in backhand deals, you would think we would have the lack of sufficient electricity problem already solved? Not just swiped under the expensive Afghan rug.

Right to Walk

2009-04-11T05:02:00.000-07:00

http://www.thedailystar.net/newDesign/news-details.php?nid=83627#

I came across a pretty personal and poignant account of the writer's experiences in being personally violated on the public space. Even though I have not personally be groped or harassed in public, yet I too have felt the personal invasion tied to being out on the streets.

Walking in Dhaka can be a nightmare. The amount of eyes peering at you, checking you out, undressing you, following all your gestures etc can be quite daunting. Add to that already unpleasant experience, the coterie of small street urchins latching on to you begging for money and attention. I cannot even imagine walking around my block. Who wants to be gawked at by clusters of men? Whether you are in western or eastern attire, the very sight of a female out on the streets seem to generate an unwelcome instinct in men to invade their personal space.

Will this ever change? I admire how I spot many young females walking on the streets wearing jeans and tshirts in defiance of the lustful staring eyes at them. However, oftentimes, I notice those females are usually accompanied by at least one male figure. Does this imply that it is impossible for females to venture out on the streets alone without being harassed?

Maybe there should be laws against 'eve teasing' as it is named in Bangladesh. Maybe there are already laws in place. But I personally don't think those rules make any difference. Until ordinary male citizens cease regarding females as sexual objects, we wont be feeling much eagerness to be out walking on the streets alone.

What happens when an earthquake strikes?

2009-04-06T20:31:00.000-07:00

The devastating earthquake in Italy has so far claimed more than 100 lives. Striking during the night, it surprised and devoured most of the landscape and human lives that could have been otherwise saved one hopes. However, the extensive and efficient search and rescue operations conducted by Italian police and local citizens is a testament of human compassion and solidarity.

But I cannot help but compare the earthquake that struck Italy to any possible earthquakes that strike Dhaka. Italy sits squarely on the map of developed and thriving nations, however, even the most advanced countries cannot survive nature's wrath. The images of rubble, destruction, bodies, and survivors emerging from graves of sand and stone are quite a contrast to the usual impression of Italy that we possess. Yet we see once again that nature is far more potent, destructive, and powerful.

Now imagine if an earthquake of that magnitude or slightly less occured in Dhaka or anywhere else in Bangladesh. What will happen? How will the landscape be altered? And how many innocent lives will be claimed? These are rational fears that must be answered. After watching the fire that consumed Bashundhara Mall while the masses, fire brigade, politicians, ineffectively stood on the sidelines, how will we cope if a devastating quake strikes us? Do we have any policies, plans, and actions in store in cases of quake emergencies?

I fear how many ordinary citizens on the streets will suffer and perish for our own follies in not protecting ourserlves beforehand.

Dhaka Divorce

2009-03-30T22:52:00.000-07:00

Daily Star carried an online article stating that the rate of divorces in Dhaka city has accelerated and now hovers around the 50-55 percent. The article further expostulates that one of the reasons for such a high percentage is credited to divorces becoming less of a social stigma and more of a expectant result of partners unwilling to compromise and make amends unlike their parents' generations. But the striking aspect of this article is that Dhaka women are initiating divorces in droves!

Hurrah! Finally a positive acknowledgement that women can and are seeking divorces when marriages fall apart. Unlike the older generations, women don't feel compelled to remain in dead unions because of social and economical shortcomings in being a divorcee. Dhaka women, now, are financially secure, mentally prepared, and socially confident to take the lead and end relationships.

According to one friend who had several concrete examples to validate her theory, she stated that divorced women are more likely to get remarried in a swfit cycle than their single counterparts.

However, it must be noted that only Dhaka women from the upper echeleons are more prone to initiate divorces because of their financial stability, familial support, and social acceptance. Their lower socio-economic counterparts are still shackled with typical social taboos regarding marital and divorce statuses. In most cases, these women would rather endure bitter and abusive relationships rather than lose their husbands and thereby their identities and financial securities.
Yet I feel there is hope for all of us.

Taliban in Bangladesh?

2009-03-26T20:24:00.001-07:00

While I was watching a CNN documentary on the Taliban stronghold of Swat Valley in Pakistan, I couldn't help but note the Taliban's focus, determination, strategy and execution in conquering one region at a time. Sure by the look of its political landscape Pakistan is on the edge of being a failed state; however the current state of religious fundamentalists ruining and inciting violence in Pakistan carries dire warnings of the possible fate of Bangladesh.

Recently, in the local english papers, there has been much reportings of a London based NGO that was running and sponsering an orphanage/madrassa (religious school) in Bhola where RAB discovered an impressive array of ammunition, weapons, and literature on Jihad. In short, one could easily assume the orphanage was either a place for stocking arsenal, or a meeting point, or even a training ground for recruiting future terrorists. Regardless, such discoveries are indeed troubling to Bangladesh's secular government and its future as a democratic country.

So we finally have tangible proof that there is a growing presence of fundamentalist fanatics in Bangladesh. A group that is hell-bent on wrecking the country's political, economical, and social infrastuctures in hopes of establishing a religious dictatorship not unlike the Taliban's government in Afghanistan.

So what do we do now? Carry out a witch hunt and expunge them from our land? Encourage them to come to the table and engage in diplomacy? Or ignore their existence?

Recent events in Dhaka like the BDR mutiny and the horrific fire in Bashundhara Mall has shown that Bangladesh is in the grips of a castastrophic rollarcoaster with one awful spin after another. Law and order must be established and practiced rigidly, policing must be done effectively, and even ordinary citizens must keep their eyes and ears open to spot and report deviant and suspect terrorist movements. Afterall, with the country's history of political instability, it will be just too easy to fall into the hands of fundamentalists.

Dhaka Hygiene

2009-03-21T18:19:00.000-07:00

On my way to work along Biswas Road, I always notice the buildings, the people, and the general milieu that gently rolls by my car. Today my eyes were drawn to the generously large pile of rubbish at the fork of the road. It wasn't the rubbish that attracted me, no, it was the presence of a vegetable mart right NEXT to the rubbish pile. Now, when I say next I mean it was literally two yards away from the rubbish. The putrid stench alone must have some adverse affect on the vegetables. And I also noticed one man was using a bottle of water to wash his hands right at the corner where the pile begins. But this image alone captures the standard example of Dhaka city hygienic practices. That is, there is none. The ground upon which people throw their rubbish is the ground upon which people buy their daily groceries. Who should be blamed, educated, horrified? Aren't we all at fault for letting these practices flourish?

Community Nurturing Children

2009-03-16T00:12:00.000-07:00

My next door neighbour has a new nanny for her young daughter. The nanny accompanies the young daughter to and fro from school, playground, and I'm positive even has a potent presence inside the home too. The nanny is her nanu. When I realized her relation to the young child, I was reminded of Hillary Clinton's famous statement that 'it takes a village to raise a child'. Sure, she did not invent that concept but borrowed it by observing the typical roles and behaviourial patterns of family members in developing worlds, yet the statement bears truth.

I remember growing up within an extended family. Even though I only have a single older brother, much of my childhood and adolescence were filled with cousins, uncles, maternal grandparents, and aunties. My parents' absences were swiftly and effectively filled in by my aunties and nanu, who ensured I did not become wayward without proper guidance. A bulk of my childhood was spent with my grandparents who shared wonderful and poignant stories, lessons, and dreams. As a result, I feel I am a perfect composite of the memories and influence imparted on me by my deceased grandparents.

The American method of sending their aged-parents to nursing homes or fancy communities is personally quite disturbing. Instead of utilizing the available sources of assisstance, wisdom, and guidance, the older generation are, instead, shipped off to the nearest camp where they can live out the rest of their lives with others of similar fates. That is truely a major under-utilization of potent, priceless, and positive influences on future generations.

The Irony

2009-03-15T23:46:00.000-07:00

I just came across a news item stating that the Dir. of Family Planning has been accused of sexually molesting his 'adopted' minor daughter. Yes, the director of Family Planning!! The irony is seriously tragic!

Not one to find someone guilty without a proper and just trial, yet the whole situation involving sexual molestation definitely leaves a bitter and disturbing after-taste. Whether he has done it or not, these types of deviant behaviours must be better addressed in public to deter further occurences.

I for one will be following this story closely.

Domestic Abuse

2009-03-11T20:16:00.000-07:00

An ongoing debate has emerged in the American media regarding domestic abuse as exemplified by the now infamous Chris Brown and Rihanna incident. On route to the Grammys, Rihanna was violently beaten up by Chris in the midst of a fight. The picture taken of her bruises is nothing short of shocking and disturbing. The episode has made the American media dizzy with stories and speculations.

Joy Behar on Larry King Live named domestic abuse as a 'dirty secret'. And I whole-heartedly agree. I have personally heard awful stories of my friends engaging in and encountering domestic abuse from their boyfriends and/or husbands. My declarations of such pratices being criminal fell into deaf ears. Oftentimes, I have noticed ( as troubling as it is) that my female friends had accepted the abuse as a necessary by-product of the relationships.

In Bangladesh, living in a patriarchical society, it is not surprising that many families have witnessed domestic abuse. Usually the females from lower socio-economic milieus suffer the most from these practices. Yet they still remain entrenched within the abuse. I recall an incident told by one of my maids. She was relating how her sister was the sole breadearner in her family, while her sister's husband was lazy, unemployed, and violently abusive. However, instead of leaving him, her sister continued to being beaten up by him on grounds that if HE LEFT her she won't have the means to provide for her two young children. Her sister had illogically deduced that her work and earnings depended on her husband's presence in the home. Of course, she also factored in the social stigma associated in being a abandoned wife with fatherless children.

Alas, the above scenario is the norm in Bangladesh. More than likely, females think they have to remain in abusive relationships, especially marriages, because the social implications and reactions of being abandoned or divorced far outweighs the abuse. What other options do they have?

2009-03-09T01:47:00.000-07:00

Sheikh Hasina says - “It is not possible to establish women's rights and stop violence against women only by enacting laws and observing women's day. Rather there should be proper coordination at government and non-government levels." ( Daily Star, March 9, 2009 ed)

I have to applaud her for concisely and accurately summing up the inefficieny of laws and propaganda if the basic governmental roles in enforcing and ensuring are not well observed. However, it is still quite pivotal to implement social policies and regulations that will directly better the conditions, prospects, and livelihoods of Bangladeshi females. Furthermore, free mandatory education for all females, especially leading to high school and beyond is required too. Also, counseling is needed in ordered to rehabilitate victimized females back into the society where they don't have to bear the stigma of violated ones. But it is indeed assuring that the newly-elected PM is at once tackling the issues of sexism and instigating counter-measures to abate it.

Dowried Lives

2009-03-07T21:44:00.000-08:00

Today's Daily Star (p.14 of National news) has a poignant story of a young girl named Lucky who is hospitalized because her husband and his family 'poured combustible liquid over her body' in a dispute over dowry. These forms of domestic abuse generated by dowry are frequent occurences in Bangladesh irrespective of the strides achieved in female empowerment. One of the major driving factors behind such crimes taking place continuously is the lack of adequate punishment and consequences meted out to the husband and his family. The perpetrators of these crimes need to be sufficiently punished, thereby, deterring future similar abuses. As it remains many cases similar to Lucky never make it to the papers because the victim and her family are oftentimes too sacred and shamed to voice their greivances. As a result, the criminals never have to pay for their crimes. Social policies have to be implemented where domestic abuses against females need to be properly addressed. There must be penalties like prison terms and financial fines placed upon perpetrators of these abuses. Females must be educated as to the different types of domestic abuse, so that they can recognize it and seek help when attacked. Furthermore, shelters specifically targeting abused females need to be opened in order to accomodate, counsel, and ensure that females dont end up maimed, murdered, or worse. Unless these measures are undertaken, people like Lucky will never be safe from the malicious intents of their male counterparts.

Slow but Steady

2009-03-02T18:27:00.001-08:00

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/03/world/asia/03shelter.html?_r=1&hp

NY Times : Idea of Afghan's Women's Rights Taking Hold

As I was reading this article, I could not help but compare the stark similarities between Afghani women and Bangladeshi women. Granted, Bangladeshi females fare better now with the recognition of their inherent rights and identities, however, I am sure that in many rural locations the law of men still impose.

Silenced

2009-03-01T18:33:00.000-08:00

Many stories of rape and female genital mutilation are emerging from the gates of BDR Rifles Square. Unfortunately, these stories and cases are fast spreading behind the scenes. The victims, many of them young, recently married, first-time mothers are not only traumatized by the whole ordeal but also extremely fearful of the stigma placed upon them if they dare give their accounts. As a result, many of these gang-rape crimes will go unrecorded and the perpetrators will never be fully punished for their actions. Many people say that the stigma of being a raped victim, and thereby a dishonoured woman, in addition to a murdered husband and with small children, will effectively impede these females from proceeding with their lives intact. Socially, they will always be closely identified with this tragedy. Socially they will be treated as pariahs for being raped victims. A fresh new life will be immensely difficult for them. Thus, they choose silence.

These women are opting to swallow being raped so that they can retain their identities.

Just as many rape cases conducted by Pakistani militia against Bengali women during the Liberation War of 1971 were unaccounted for and unrecorded, the BDR Massacre has effectively scarred, destroyed, and ruined the lives of the young widows and the national conscience. How can we simply let them silently consume their loss and their humiliation while we stand aside too shamed to offer them an empathetic hand?

Ordinary People

2009-03-01T18:13:00.000-08:00

My friends, especially those residing in Dhanmondi, are numbed in grief. One friend who lives in the vicinity of Rifles Square still suffers from nightmares from witnessing army trucks rolling down her streets and hearing gun shots. Whether you are in Dhanmondi or beyond, this brutal national tragedy has taken the toll on ordinary citizens. Everyone shares the anguish, disbelief, and utter senselessness of these crimes. Justice must be meted out appropriately, lawfully, and swiftly.

And What Now..?

2009-03-01T01:29:00.001-08:00

Less than a week after the BDR Rifles Square Massacre, discomposing bodies are still being discovered, examined, indentified, while profoundly inhumane stories of the BDR soldiers' animalistic behaviour are running rampant.

A friend voiced that we really don't know what compelled the BDR men to resort to such heinous crimes against nature. We dont really have a BDR representative explaining the whys and hows of their strategy in participating in such brtual actions. Yes, they are underpaid, mis-treated, voiceless, yet what compelled them to take up arms and murder their own fellow brothers and sisters?

Rumours of rape, mutilation, and total disregard of childrens' lives are fast gaining attention. The nation is seeking retribution for the misdeeds. I fear amidst such anger, fustration, and shock, people will forget to ask the right questions. The BDR men must have been deprived to such an extent that they opted for violence and total disregard of human lives and casualties to voice their cause? Of course, one cannot overlook the fact that a group of men segregating themselves in a camp disconnected from reality with weapons at their disposal will eventually unleash their primal animalistic natures.

You cannot rationalize their actions to understand their motives. Their execution is beyond human comprehension. No human being willingly and naturally wishes bodily harm upon another. So the question(s) remains, what drove them to pursue such an avenue of carnage?

It is time that the nation sits up and pays close attention. For too long people of lower socio-economic classes have been ignored, trampled upon, disregarded, degraded, suppressed by their affluent counterparts. Revolutions always erupt in the grassroots levels. This is a prime example. Of course not a revolution in any terms. A gruesome mutiny. But there are insightful lessons to be learned from this massacre. Suppressed humans will resort to extreme measures and animalistic violences to have their greviances addressed. It is about time that we start listening to them.

14 kids and counting

2009-02-07T04:31:00.000-08:00

I saw the interview Nadya Suleiman gave to Ann Curry about giving birth to octuplets in addition to already having six children.It is quite bewildering that in a country where the debate still rages on and alienates and polarizes the nation regarding Roe vs Wade, the public and the media are so irked and offended by the notion that a young, single, unemployed mother can choose to bear so many children. The philosophy espoused by pro-lifers is that if conception has taken place the fetus is legally deemed as a human and therefore is privy to the same rights as other human beings. Even if the fetuses are conceived mistakenly and remains unwanted by the parents, their choices are over-ruled by the basic perogatives possessed by any human life. On that grounds, here we have a young woman, albeit unemployed and with multiple mouths to feed, being ostracized for her choice to have more kids. It is astounding that she doesn't have an army of pro-lifers applauding and championing her courage, dedication, and love in wanting to bring more children into the world. Now the government is investigating if her medical doctors have violated any ethics code by implanting so many eggs in her uterus, and the pundits are debating whether her unemployment status makes her selfish in wanting and bearing more children that according to them she is unable to provide for. Lest they forget, she does live with her parents who have been supporting her prior six children and her all this time. But no, her parents' home and help have been labeled 'modest' at best. Again, the mother's rights and opinions are quickly trampled upon and discarded by the moral opinion generated by the public. The simple fact that she wants those children and she is brave enough to give them life and love is not good enough anymore. Her motives, her mental health, her ability to provide for them or lack of are put under the microscope. Now she is put on a soapbox where she has to publicly defend herself and her actions. She is being judged for wanting children. Imagine what the public would have to say if Nadya decided not to keep any those children?

Bankers and their Clueless Girls

2009-01-30T03:33:00.000-08:00

A recent NY Times article showed a glimpse into the sad deteriorating world of young girls dating bankers and/or other guys in the finance industry down on their luck because of the current global recession. The article interviews members of a group with their own blog experiencing similar relationship issues with their respective partners. The saddest facet of this article was the utter cluelessness of those girlfriends. Totally oblivious to the escalating global financial turmoil affecting millions of people worldwide, these females were whining and group hugging each other about the petty lapses and cutbacks they had to suffer because their partners cannot afford to pamper them anymore. Talk about setting the female movement backwards!! The article points out that some of these females do have careers themselves, so why is it that they must congregate to share how they feel disoriented with their partners' tenuous grip on their careers. Are these females defined by the affluence and success of their partners? How come these females cannot instead converge to strategize on plans to aid their partners financially in case they get laid off (a plausible certainty as the dire recession cycle continues)? It is deeply disturbing to still read about females who are consciously identifying themselves with their male partners' careers? The ladies further stated that they are attracted to the "alpha males", the upwardly mobile males who will undoubtedly reap tremendous fruits from their perseverance. How about those female trying to be upwardly mobile themselves in their respective fields so that they don't have to worry themselves to death about their partners less than stellar future?

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/28/nyregion/28daba.html?em

Right to Sell/Bid on Virginity

2009-01-25T06:43:00.000-08:00

I read an article on The Daily Beast written by a young female under a pseudonym sharing her perspective in auctioning off her virginity online. Among her ruminations in setting up this 'social experiment' of sorts, she mentions that she has a BA in Women Studies. I would assume a person who has a background in Women Studies would thoroughly understand the price placed on female virginity across cultures. In Africa, especially the Eastern and Northern regions, you hear of females subjected to genital mutilation. A recent NY Times article revealed how affluent Arab females undergo a risky and expensive re-virginization procedure in France to avoid their cultural's ostacization and familial's wrath at their indiscretions. The issue of virginity is indeed a complex tangle of webs that can simultaneously enhance a female's eligibility (as in the Memoirs of a Geisha, the protagonist was highly prized for her virginity) or turn a female into a pariah. Even in my country, virginity still is a delicate subject. A young unmarried female is assumed to be a virgin until marriage. Hence, the norm at a doctor's visit is to be asked by the doctor "are you married or not?"; a tactful way of gauging a female patient's morality and purity or lack of. Oftentimes, there are incidents where doctors have refused to treat young females who have engaged in sexual activities on grounds that they are morally reprehensible. But the article written by the American girl made me wonder what is the plausible outcome of her 'social experiment'? Is she going to give in to the highest bidder and pocket the large sum placed on her virginity? Will she herald that sacred event by writing more op-eds on the process and how it has taught her more on the power of virginity on society? In any case, she doesnt seem to notice the gravity of being a virgin for those whose lives are determined by that status alone.

The Closing of Gitmo

2009-01-22T20:38:00.000-08:00

Even though the official closing of Gitmo won't take place before a year, the waves that have been created by this Executive Decision alone will certainly cease the cracking and peeling of the US's image around the world. For too long Gitmo acted as the beacon of US's misuse of power and perpetuation of torture on civilians in their quest to extract information on terrorists. Whether the captured civilians were guilty or not or linked to terrorists organizations or not weren't considered, instead Gitmo and other torture camps set up by the US on foreign lands served similar to KGB prisons, where individuals were treated to the newest modes of torture in order to compel them to give in. The stories voiced by ex-detainees at Gitmo, who were released on grounds that they had no links to terrorists cells and thereby innocent (one wonders what credible information was used to pick them up in the first place!) carry activities that surely violates human rights laws. On those accounts alone and on the countless lawsuits filed against the US government by those ex-detainees, keeping Gitmo operational is simply a slap in the face to diplomacy and compromise across the globe. Therefore, President Obama's first decision has certainly arrived at a pivotal moment in history.

Over and Over Again

2009-01-21T05:40:00.000-08:00

Despair reigned. Anju’s frail body lay cocooned in sheaths of soft cotton. Perched on top of the antique mahogany bed, I surveyed the room like an eagle scouting the land. I wanted to cry but my voice gently fizzled in the ambers of unspoken thoughts. I was mute, silent but alert. The carriage of women, older peers shrouded in white, floated through the rooms commiserating. What a tragedy, they whispered. How can life be so cruel to such a young girl….it wasn’t accidental…they say she was pushed exclaimed others. She was so beautiful…how could she have fallen from the roof like that…and when there were other people there too, they continued... what a misfortune! Look at the catatonic father curled in a corner in the bedroom. Look at the mother, despondently pleading to have her child returned. What a shame, the women said….what a dreadful tragedy!

I was six when he started. It was never in a dark room. Shards of memories are my only proof. They rear their heads from the depths of an abysmal darkness to prick and pierce me with their truth. I can see and understand with a clarity that shields my shame. Random scenes unfold like parts of a narrative film that I cannot piece together yet am forced to replay over and over again.

I remember my pigtails bobbling up and down, my worn plaid dress brushing against me as I hurried to catch the commotion. Oh Oh Oh, I thought, I must see why the children were shouting outside. His bedroom opened out into the biggest and longest balcony overlooking our courtyard. One could stand there and glimpse the very boundaries of our neighborhood. The neighborhood, then, was bordered by lush vivid greenery that shimmered and shimmied under the sun’s adoring gaze. Here and there were patches of masked white blocks of houses protruding from the earth, aesthetically complementing and blending within nature’s dominance. Our house was the oldest. Our land the largest. Our family the foremost settlers on this once-fallow land.

I exploded through the doors, oblivious to his presence in his bedroom, and made a beeline for the balcony door. It was locked and I banged headlong into it. He laughed as he saw me rub my forehead wincing and befuddled. He materialized from the bathroom, adjusting his pajamas, and with one swift movement scooped me up to his chest. I wriggled and squirmed as he admonished me to be careful. Open the door, oh open the door, I pleaded. Laughing, he gently planted me on the floor, and unhinged the locks. Once my feet touched solid ground I plunged into the balcony fearing the commotion had dissipated just at my arrival. But it hadn’t.

Someone had thrown a brick from our rooftop and it had landed on the brand new car that Sajid bhaiya, the dashing boro bhai of the neighborhood, had bought just the day before. It was prominently displayed at our courtyard, beaming its lustrous silver visage. The windshield was broken; a huge icy gash ran across its body with hundreds of little cracks branching out like small crooked fangs. The brick lay on top, halved, exposed, and shamed. The culprit was absconding. Sajid bhaiya stood silent next to his car, disbelief penetrating every pore of his face. His mother stood slightly apart screaming and accusing anyone in sight. Shouting and cursing obscenities over and over. I leaned against the wall of the balcony, teetering on my toes, brimming with unbridled excitement. What will happen next? Who is responsible? What will Sheila mami do? Will Sajid bhaiya talk?

I heard my name softly whispered. I turned back expecting him to conspiratorially wink at our bond in relishing in other’s misfortune. But he didn’t wink. He was staring at me. Oddly. At my shoulders peeping from where the strap of the dress had fallen over my arms. At my bare legs where the dress fell in soft folds. A chill soared through my body. I took a step back unconsciously creating distance between us. He abruptly turned his back to me and returned to his bedroom. I returned to the commotion outside…

…. He had me pinned against the bed. I looked at him but his face was a blur. I could smell his warm sticky breath, as he whispered my name nuzzling my ears. His free hand was roaming, wandering, meandering, and feeling my sullied skin. He gently lowered his body on top of mine…. I looked at the locked door….he placed one of his hand gently over my mouth and whispered “ aita shudo ador…this is only affection” over and over again….

I heard my bua calling my name outside his door, the swelling panic in her voice. He emerged from the bathroom and yelled to give him a minute. He walked over to where I was lying naked, trying not to stare at the small puddle of milky liquid gathered in the folds of the bed sheet. With a soothing voice, he put my clothes on one at a time, gently repeating “…aita shudo ador…this is only affection…”

When he opened the door, my bua almost tripped in her hurry to pick me up in her arms. She started instantly chastising me for disappearing. She apologized for disturbing Choto Sahib. She assured she wouldn’t lose sight of me again. She noticed the crumpled bed, the milky puddle, and my numb state. She didn’t say a word.

I cannot remember other episodes, or even if they were more. But his stench, his kisses on my shoulders, on my chest, on my arms, on my legs, on my crevices I cannot cleanse.

As I sat quietly in a corner of that room which was brimming with disbelief and misfortune, I sighed in a relief that seemed twenty years too late. I noticed Choto Chacha in his daughter’s bedroom clutching a framed picture of him and his daughter on her ninth birthday, wailing at the injustice of his loss. Curling and uncurling my aching fingers, I remained in the corner staring at Anju’s body displayed at the center of the room, whispering voicelessly, “ it wasn’t my fault, it wasn’t my fault” over and over again.

Tisa Muhaddes believes in fairies, mermaids, unicorns, and even pots of gold under the rainbow's end. Her one searing goal in life is to actually discover a pot of gold that comes with a lifetime warranty of supply. Till that fortunate day arrives, she amuses herself by observing and noting the idiosyncrasies that compose people, her surroundings, and life in general. With a little bit of ingenuity, and a dash of magic she attempts to weave stories that craftily capture everyday experiences that make human beings at once frail, humane, endearing, and magical.

Living History

2009-01-21T05:30:00.000-08:00

Watching the inauguration of President Obama is definitely not the end but the beginning of a new era. But this era has been long overdue. Witnessing and experiencing the stages of an epic journey undertaken by an optimistic and revolutionary team lead by a fortuitous individual is nothing short of living history. His somber and calm demeanor, his highly evolved sensibility, his insatiable aptitude to know and learn, and his sheer inspiring oratory skills makes me feel just about anything is possible in this lifetime.

I may be at the other end of the world yet I felt cradled by the tangible unity and universality that his historical presidency already incites in citizens around the globe. I feel, at once, at one with my fellow citizens in their plights, greivances, happiness etc

This monumental universalism inspires me to be a part of a social change, a generational upheavel that will bring about an era of diplomacy, sensible ruminations and planning, effective implementations, and an overall dedication in achieving beneficial results through proper and humanitarian channels.

The feud continues

2009-01-06T04:40:00.000-08:00

The new year begins with an ill-conceived war between Israel and Hamas. It is the 11th day of the battle, Israel has sliced Gaza into two parts, rockets are still set forth, and the carnage continues.

News media repeatedly shows the death and destruction caused in Gaza and the hundreds of wounded civilians admitted in hospitals. Children are the casualties du jour.

Israel's claim to initiate such a mass scale invasion of Gaza are in self-defense, in retribution of the rockets shot by Hamas on Israeli's grounds and people, and to eliminate Hamas from the political front effectively. However one has to ask how such a disproportional invasion will determine the long-term results of the political map between Israel and Palestine?

The more images of Palestinian casualties are shown on the news media, the more volunteers line up on the doorsteps of Hamas, Hezbollah, and other such militant political machinations. What is the end result of so much carnage? Neither states are secure from each other.

Israel cannot salvage or undo the damage to their image and to their cause by the numbers of death between the two states - Israel 5, Palestine 555 to date. These numbers alone will severely undermine Israel's claims that it is a state that deals with negotiations and diplomacy foremost.

In any case, the war continues and the deaths accumulate.

Election Day Bangladesh

2008-12-30T06:36:00.001-08:00

Yesterday, Bangladesh voted. Millions of voters made their presence felt. They voted for the other party. The party that did not reek of inhumane corruption. The public spoketh, and the public choseth. But what happens now?

Eerily, AL winning the majority of seats in parliament harks back to the 2001-2002 elections when BNP returned with a clap of thunder and lightening netting almost 2/3 of the majority votes. And look where that led us? 5 years of incessant greed and open corruption that bled the country and its citizens stark naked and dry of almost all resources and dignity. Really, who thought BNP would be re-elected again?

Sure, I have misgivings about AL and their promises to reshape, reignite, and revolutionize the lives of Bangladeshis and the country. We've all heard the speedy promises before. Jaded I am about how much they can ultimately accomplish to regain the momentum and push Bangladesh onto a progressive and solid path.

However, I am once again reminded of the sheer love and power of the Bangladesh populace. You can beat them, rob them, heckle them, spit at them, starve them, wave fool's gold at them, however, they are not ones to stay down for too long. Bangladeshis have spirit, they have strength, and they have an inherent tenacity to fight for their country and their rights. So what if we have unwittingly handed the reins to control our fates to evil doers, haven't we wrested the control back? Haven't we shown them that deceive us for too long and the roof will be crashing upon your heads?

We are a mighty nation, that feeds on poetry, literature, love, and the pursuit of individual and communal prosperity. But we are not fools. You cannot run away by robbing us. Let us hope AL learns from BNP's vast mistakes and truly works for the people and the country that gave birth to their existence.

Ssssh...abortion

2008-11-19T07:47:00.000-08:00

The new I-pill advertisement has a unique angle in convincing the public to use i-pill as their desired morning-after pill. The angle being that the girl in the story can forgo anguish and the prospect of having an abortion IF she only had taken an i-pill after unprotected sex. The ad caught my attention for two solid reasons. Firstly, when the ad rolled I thought it was a PSA cautioning against unprotected sex, and so while on that angle the ad was doing a remarkable and stirring job of connecting and conveying the traumatic experiences involved in having abortions. However, once the i-pill box abruptly floats on to the screen at the end consciously curtailing the conclusion of the girl's fate in the story I was left with a bitter and perturbed after taste. The angle could have been better utilized. More importantly, the ad completely failed to underscore the preventative aspect of sex i.e. always use condoms if you want to avoid unplanned pregnancies. Displaying i-pill as a viable solution for mistakes does not properly educate, prevent, or dissuade the naive public. The public must be educated and assured incessantly and consistently that unprotected sex can lead to several undesirable consequences such as STDs and pregnancies. But then India has implemented several effective messages in various media in sex education. But what about Bangladesh? Having a huge billboard on Gulshan one circle (although quite refreshing and ballsy) of a condom brand doesn't make much leeway in educating the public that unprotected sex is a big NO NO. The Bangladesh media must embrace whole-heartedly and propagate resolutely sex education to all layers of the social stratum. Even at the cost of severe public embarrassment and even if completely uncultured. The more well educated the public is about sex ed the less chances of girls undergoing at times life threatening abortions to rectify completely preventable mistakes.

The Iron Curtain of Sex

2008-11-10T22:24:00.001-08:00

Looking for a young unmarried individual willing to openly disclose their sexual histories? Do you fit the bill? Are you daring to have sex before marriage? Is premarital sex a gender-biased act? The debate rages on and the opinions espoused by young adults in their twenties hailing from diversified socio-economic milieus are startling. The most vocal adults readily communicating their perspectives come from the most surprising quarters.

Virginity, particularly female virginity, is a sacred social establishment. As one female individual in her late twenties from an prosperous background states, “basically growing up here we have been conditioned never to talk about it…. hence pms {premarital sex} is considered a dirty, vile thing….” Her assertion exemplifies the factors that govern, oppose, and shroud the concept of premarital sex - social conditioning armored with religious tones propagated and heralded in sync with the social stigma associated with the act of engaging in sexual intercourse.

And how does male virginity factor within the same cultural and social umbrella? Men across the social horizon assert it is “quite natural and ultimately necessary” to indulge in sexual intercourse before marriage.

However does premarital sex and sexual liberation depend on the level of the social echelon you inhabit? Is premarital sex more acceptable and expected among the upper ranks while the bourgeoning middle and lower classes are shackled by cultural and societal expectations? Both genders have stringent and divergent opinions on that matter.

In talks with young female adults from Dhaka University and private universities, there are currently two schools of thoughts. One reverentially opposes all sexual activities as a desecration of the social custom of abstinence. Annie, 21, a Dhaka University student strongly states, “In general, the social rules should not be broken...they should be adherently followed.” Labona, 22, agrees by noting, “sex should happen after marriage.” Mashuma, 22, echoes similar sentiment “premarital sex is uncultured!” The other thought allows females to engage in premarital sex as long as their relationship with their male partners culminates in marriage. Saika, 22, says, “ premarital sex depends on personal preference”. And Shammi, 22, states “sex is a need so people should give into it.”

Females from affluent backgrounds appear to be supremely elusive on this topic. The ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy is rigorously enforced. They indicate their opinion on premarital sex is ‘progressive’, yet they would rather not partake in the social dialogue. They further imply their sexual liberation solely depends on ‘absolute discretion’. Several females, also, admit abstaining from sexual activities due to the social mechanism that educates them to hide behind their chastity belts. Deviation from this doctrine is inconceivable and will shatter the very foundations of their adult identity. As one female, 26, notes, “This is what I know….I cannot act otherwise.”

Within the upper social stratum, males are seemingly tolerant of their female partners having a sexual past, albeit not an extensive one. In some cases, it is expected that both genders will have engaged in past sexual pursuits. As one male, 28, notes, “Physical intimacy and compatibility are vital to a successful marriage and premarital sex gives an opportunity to discover that before getting into a binding commitment such as marriage.” However, males from this socio-economic field think twice before seducing virgins. Their rational being that virgins ‘undoubtedly expect marriage’. In addition, some of them further assert that the sexual inexperience of virgins is ‘a big turn off’.

More young men from the middle social sphere expect their future brides to be uninitiated in sexual matters. Abir, 25, authoritatively says, “premarital sex is okay…but when I marry I prefer a virgin bride.” It seems premarital sex is a given prerogative for males only. However there is also a rival philosophy. Hasib, 25, states, “premarital sex is a necessity…regardless of how many people disclose it…not having sex affects mentally and physically.” Adnan, 24, readily agrees to premarital sex as long as “both parties are consensual”. But the young males practicing this particular attitude opines while sex before marriage is justified and warranted, “random sex’ with several partners is ‘perverted’ and socially deplorable.

At the end, premarital sex is a complex and a deeply personal topic. Contrary to the males of the upper echelons decreeing premarital sex is a ‘social norm’; sex before marriage and the social stigma it carries has a paramount impact on the individuals especially upon females; irrespective of their socio-economic backgrounds. While males may have the sexual emancipation to experiment and identify their sexual needs; females are encouraged to either unwaveringly honor their chastity belts or covertly engage in sexual activities. Furthermore, broaching the topic of premarital sex instantly unleashes evasiveness upon the individuals. Unfortunately, the looming social stigma curtails any form of open and honest discourse about the sexual liberation of both genders.

In a Brief Second

2008-11-09T22:46:00.001-08:00

As she lay nestled in the hollows of his body, deeply inhaling his poignant scent, she stared beyond the windows into the waking sky. Has anyone felt such tranquillity as I, she thought? Her body warmed by their heat, her hair cascading down the pillows over his slumbering form, she gingerly traced his heaving chest, up and down with her fingers in perfect rhythm with his heart. She inched closer and closer to his body, hungry to have their flesh touch.

A lone crow's pitiful cry caught her attention. The first streaks of dawn were splashed across the horizon. A misty gray dipped in brazen bronze appeared behind the cloudless veil. In a few hours, he will be stirring and grudgingly waking for work. The weekends seem so short now that summer was in full swing. Yawning and stretching her arms, she hesitated between getting up for a quick run or prolonging the lazy contentment in bed. The health nut in her won and she quietly got out of bed.

The arousing sun by now faintly lighted the room. She silently foraged through her closet and extracted a pair of track pants and a comfy t-shirt of his. Once dressed, she walked over to his side of the bed and sat softly on the edge. He was flat on his back with one arm casually resting above his head on the pillow, the other arm resting in the empty spot that her body had vacated. Her heart swelled staring at him. As she bent to leave a soft kiss on his forehead, a whiff of his scent flooded her with delicious memories. Goosebumps erupted. Five years of togetherness hadn't diminished her cravings one bit. Five years of togetherness hadn't dissipated the fervour they generated together. They were intertwined together, their lives fated to leap and bound over each other. She longed to stay behind, cradling around his body once more, but his words of wonder at the sudden formation of a belly cajoled her to stick to her morning fitness. She knew he hated excess of any kind, especially excess of flesh. She, too, wanted to look fit and stunning for the upcoming events as well.

In ten minutes, she was outside her building, heading towards the park. As the morning light slowly torched the mirrored towers, the city seemed to stir herself awake. She already recognized many neighbours out for their morning runs as well. They nodded or grunted greetings as they passed each other. Early mornings were her favourite part of the day in New York. The absence of large crowds at that time imparted the sensation of the city truly belonging to her and only her.

As she neared the park, she changed the track on her ipod. She retrieved the wedding album selections and opened it. Now was the perfect time to sort out those songs. She had been neglecting this pivotal aspect of their wedding plans for many days now. Work always took precedence in this part of the world. This hour of solitude served as the perfect opportunity to sort out her music. The end of summer would soon be nearing and she did not have much time left before she had to send her final approval back to their families. She relished in the detailed work and attention that entailed planning such an elaborate series of events leading to their wedding.

The large iron gates guarding the park beckoned runners to enter into its verdant belly…

He moved in his sleep from one side to another. Instinctively, his arm rested on the vacuum left by her absence. He jerked his head towards the emptiness, adrenaline soaring through his body as he belatedly realized she must be on her morning run. Dropping his head once again on the pillows, he rolled on to his back staring at the ceiling. Don't go now, a little more he vainly pleaded as sleep swiftly evaporated. The bed clock read six thirteen. Light flooded the room. Annoyance piqued as she had forgotten to close the curtains before leaving. She was becoming quite preoccupied with the planning and more and more absent-minded, he thought.

Instead of sleeping, his mind meandered over ordinary planes. His new plans for his small art management company flashed in his head. He had discovered a new talent that was on the periphery of making a brash statement in the art world. His new discovery could single-handedly reconstruct his company bringing in enough revenue to expand his business. As a failed painter, a deficiency he realized and accepted way before it became a handicap, he re-directed his love for art into a business that located, nurtured, and marketed new painters who would ordinarily never get a foot into the competitive and ruthless art world. As a person he found it quite gratifying to know he controlled the fates of the artists in his hands. He could make them or break them. It was no wonder that many of his new discoveries were females. He was quite well known in the art world, numerous articles cited him and some even ran profiles of him in their arts section.

His newest asset gave him immense satisfaction. She was unconventional and quite titillating. Her craft was seductive and surreal, provocative and primal, sultry and supreme. She was his new obsession. Cassandra Hudson rolled off his tongue in a brazen sexual manner. Her presence evoked long-repressed fantasies that he had forgotten. He felt rejuvenated, revitalized, and young around her. He could almost convince himself he was enamoured with her. But he wasn't a fool.

A distant siren ended his reveries. He checked the clock again, she was running late. Usually she would be back by now making breakfast before the mad dash to the showers. His eyes briefly rested on the framed picture of them. It was taken last Christmas, at a noted art critic's soiree, where he was galvanizing the art world with his latest profile in a prestigious art magazine. He was ensconced between them both. She had one arm tightly coiled around his side. Cassandra was wrapped around his other side. Both of them smiling for the camera. He was looking at something, or was it someone, away from the camera's prying eyes.

His mind tiptoed around the wedding preparations. She insisted that it took place in their country. He found this a comic notion considering they hadn't lived there long enough to claim possession. A country that was mistakenly identified as being their own by ill-fated births. A distant and detached land that faintly hinted of ownership. But he gave in to her. He usually did. He found it easier to go along with her instead of arguing his ground. Less resistance and more distractions for her. More distractions for him too.

She should be back by now. Maybe he should put the coffee pot on the stove…

She was heavily panting, her breaths caught between her throat, sweat clinging to her hot skin. She picked up her pace as she sighted the park's exit. She knew she was running behind time. Dread of a bulging belly drove her to exceed her usual number of laps. He must be up by now, definitely already in the kitchenette, brewing the coffee pot, settling down with the papers, waiting for her. She smiled at the image of him waiting for her.

As she finally emerged from the park, she stopped before the traffic signal. Traffic was already snaking along the road leading towards midtown. She strained to see the clock embedded in the colossal building dwarfing the park. She squinted as the sun's blare prevented her from seeing. As the green light flickered faintly, she sprinted across the street. A scorching burst of bright light knocked her sideways and she felt herself suspended in mid-air. She instinctively shielded her eyes from the intense glare. But the glare transformed into a pain that she never imagined. Garbled screams echoed in the background. An immense terrible pressure descended upon her. Her legs buckled under her and the ground rushed to embrace her. Her eyes pricked with annoyance as the distant cacophony inched closer and closer. A series of fading images rushed through her mind…images of him…of them…of him and her…of him and the other one…of them together…of him alone…of her alone…. Stop buzzing, move out of my way, I need to run home…I must select the songs…he's waiting for me…what is that song buzzing in my ears….

He heard the bell from the shower. He was waiting for her to open the door. When the bell kept on ringing, he emerged from a premature shower, annoyance blazed on his face. Where was she? Why was she so late? She was going to make him late now. She should have been here by now. He wrapped a towel around his lower torso and marched to the door. He called out her name. No answer. He looked around the room for signs of her return. Her trainers weren't tossed aside on the floor. There was no new coffee pot brewing. Her dirty clothes weren't thrown carelessly thrown on the bedroom floor.. She was late and now he would be late too, he muttered to himself, so inconsiderate of her to put him in this spot. He opened the door. Two policemen. Strange he thought.

"Mr. Imran Rahman?" asked one of them.

He nodded.

"Do you know a Ms. Areena Kha-der?"

He nodded, noting the enunciation of her last name. Quader, you half-witted American townies.

"We have some bad news…"

Mythmaking of Reputation

2008-10-21T04:43:00.000-07:00

Dating in Dhaka can be an absolute nightmare. The usual dating problems are further compounded by society's looming disapproval or expectations in the eventual outcome of the relationship and involved partners.

So being in your late twenties, single female, and Bangladeshi is a double-edged sword. Now is the time I have been resolutely and repeatedly expounded for 'settling down', find the perfect guy, merge, and procreate. Serial dating is considered a desecration of the sanctity of Bangladeshi femininity. I have been admonished to refrain from dating lest I acquire a 'reputation'.

Reputation? Reputation surmising the degrading labels attached to a young female who is living her life on the principles that are in complete contrast to the ideal archetype of a Bangladeshi woman. Regardless of the common knowledge, that females around the world from the same demography are living their lives on those very principles.

Reputation in Dhaka is at once tenuous and tangible. It is thrust upon you unwarranted yet its sole sustenance depends on you. A single false move can carry repercussions that will alter your future. Thus, females are encouraged and directed to guard their reputations with the utmost care and cloak it with sheer purity in order to enhance the females' rich futures. Hence, many safeguards are positioned around a young female's life in order to counteract any possible means of a 'reputation' being slapped on. Those safeguards soon become the basic compositions of Bangladeshi's females identities. In some cases, drastic measures are needed to radically alter or suppress females' identities in order to be in sync with the accepted notion of femininity.

In addition, females are incessantly informed that behavioral patterns that are deemed inappropriate during their singleness is generally considered normal once those females are securely married. In short, females must restrain their ostentatious personality traits during their single days so as not to acquire a 'reputation'.

Reputation plays a pivotal role in determining females' eligibility and rights. For single females, their pristine reputations or lack of can enhance or hinder, respectively, their chances for clinching good partners. For married females, their pristine reputation or lack of allow them to secure and exercise their basic rights.

In the end, reputation says it all. It can determine, deviate, or destroy.

Double-Edged Sword

2008-10-13T22:49:00.000-07:00

Another befuddling facet of being Bengali and unmarried is perfectly captured in the following story told by a dear friend : She says that when she was single aunties would appraise her disapprovingly on her appearance and garb soley based on her unmarried label. However, once, she was married, those very aunties would proclaim and extol her regardless of her appearance and costume. The underlying message is that her married status exalted her for being dismissed or disapproved by her elder peers. Furthermore, this simple story also appropriately displays the discrimination faced by younger females, especially younger single/unmarried females, at the hands of their older foils.

It is quite common for a young female to be inundated by questions regarding her single-ness and forseeable plans on getting married soon. That question is at once Bengali in its roots and germination. In our culture, it is permissible to openly and covertly question and refute the rationale of remaining single. Unmarried women eager to remain in that state of unattachment is seen akin to sinners. An hyperbolic statement, some may conclude. But more often than not, the questioners are the elder females or matriarchs who at once castigate their younger subjects on their apparent follies and foolhardiness. The disinclination of getting married is at once met with stern reprisals and heavy doses of Bengali sensibility and respectability.

But the fact of the matter remains that younger females are more discriminated by the very female members that should instead be championing their abilities and determination to pave their own identities. Bangladeshi females have come a long way from our parents and grandparents generations where the bulk of the females were expected to smoothly fit into the square pegs of nurturing mothers and dutiful wives. Now we have numerous females superbly juggling the roles of mother, wife, socialite, business partner, breadearner, nurturer, PTA member etc. However, apparently, some of these very females are in turn dissuading their younger counterparts to shy away from balancing multifarious roles unless the wife label is clinched foremost. Thus, it seems Bangladeshi females, at least the unmarried ones, are incapable of accomplishing most feats unless they are promptly betrothed.

Have we indeed placed a high and covetous price on being married upon our race?

Retouched Photos Exemplifies Perfection

2008-10-10T22:35:00.001-07:00

I came across a recent article in Marie Claire asking if retouching photographs is a bad thing? Personally, I think retouching photographs of celebrities conveys two equally destructive messages. The first message is that celebrities are born perfect! They transcend from the humanly possible boundaries, to an almost god-like existence, where perfect skin, perfect size zero body proportions, perfect face symmetry, and perfect talents reign supreme. The second message dictates that the legions of fans following the retouched celebs' photos are deceived in believing that they, too, must attain the very god-like characteristics which would place them on the same par as their beloved celebs.

Celebrities aren't perfect. Let's face it, they are humans like us, and subject to similar fallacies, errs, and misfortunes. However, because they are under the constant scrutiny of the cameras and at the mercy of the greater public's insatiable greed, they must look, act, feel, propagate, and perpetuate the myth that they were born perfect. Thus, airbrushing out skin imperfections, slimming unwanted layers of fat, defining face contours, adding sparkles in the eyes are pretty much aspects of their jobs. In addition, in order to play along and live up to the public's expectations of ideal beauty, celebrities are hard pressed to maintain and monitor their shrinking physiques according the desired dress size that is in vogue. The amount of strain placed on celebs to constantly personify the ideal beauty cannot be underestimated. However, their eagerness and compliance in following and perpetuating the myth of 'ideal beauty' and perfection cannot be equally under emphasized.

Secondly, if celebs are pressured to fit into the mold of perfection, what about their fans? What undue pressure and strain is heaped upon the fans to conform to their beloved idols' images? You come across numerous articles showcasing young pubescent girls' experiences, at times intentionally, destructive eating disorders, never-ending trips to the plastic surgeons to cut and contour their bodies to ideal standards, and struggles with hating their own body images. In their quest to look more like their favorite celebs, young women are more susceptible to distort and mutilate their own image. I have, personally, seen many young girls fresh in their early teen years, already starving themselves in order to acquire the same physique as Miley Cyrus, Hillary Duff, etc. Furthermore, these young kids have picked up the notion that their darker hues aren't desirable to their male counterparts.

So is retouching wrong? Yes, I think it is. Celebrities are celebrities because of their striking talents and skills, of their ability to reach out to people distant and near and connect, of their ability to exemplify the angst and anguish of a particular generation, mind set etc. It is imperative that their fans know that beyond the screen time, celebs are typical humans like Tom, Dick, and Harriet, but just with better incomes. It is equally pivotal for celebs and their fans to teach each other that attaining and complying with transient ideal beauty standards and images is difficult, exhaustive, and an injustice to both of them.

Getting Screwed Below

2008-10-07T04:04:00.000-07:00

A friend informed me recently that India and Burma laid claims on much of Bangladesh's land. That is, any and all rich materials discovered in Bangladeshi's soil, deep within, will automatically fall into Indian and Burmese hands. Now pending verification of his claims, this tidbit of information alone made me realize how tenuous our country, our land, is even in our own hands.

The Last Leg

2008-10-07T00:57:00.000-07:00

This is the part of American politics I detest the most - the way Republicans and Democrats slander and taint each other's candidates in the glory of clinching the presidential elections.

Now the gloves are off, and both the candidates' skeletons, both corporeal and fabricated are thrown on the table. Every day, every hour, we are informed, updated, and enlightened about the supposed unsavory affliations, similar philosophies, inclining sympathy, and past transgressions of the candidates.

Obama is a Muslim! He supports terrorism evidenced by his relationship with Bill Ayers! He secretly hates America and Americans!

McCain served on the board of an organization that propagated questionable anti-communist activities during Latin America's traumatic turmoils! He was involved in the Keating Five scandal! He's dying! He's inept to lead! He's mentally challenged!

Come election day, when the country votes, and the clear winner, hopefully, is picked, how do the candidates and parties recouncil after slinging so much mud at each other?

Repetitions Works Works

2008-10-06T05:22:00.000-07:00

The first things you learn in public relations is that repetitions works wonders in effectively conveying messages. The more you repeat the points, inevitably, the reader, listener, viewer will pick up the message(s). I couldn' t help but marvel at the prowess of repetitions watching the vice presidential debate. Both Biden and Palin stuck to their messages resiliently and espoused their messages repeatedly.

When it came to answering questions, Palin proved to be quite the 'maverick' answerer, by refusing to answer any of the questions put forth by Gwen Ifill. Instead she pounded on her talents and limited experiences that make her into a viable and extraordinary vice-presidential candidate and future president if and when the need arises. All I heard during the 90 minutes or so of the debate was her truncated track record as the mayor of Wasilia and governor of Alaska, the reasons that make her into such an unqualified 'maverick', and her dedication to the McCain-Palin ticket. Not once did I hear any elaborate plan or anything resembling a tentative one encapsulating the McCain administration if they win the election. Instead, her key messages for the debate were that McCain's a maverick, she's a maverick, Americans need mavericks, and doggone it, they'll get mavericks if they elect them!

She may not have any concrete experiences required for a vice presidential nominee, she may not be intelligent, but sheer entertaining she surely is!

Quest for Fairness

2008-10-02T21:47:00.000-07:00

Every time I visit the salon (beauty parlor), the following sight greets me - lines of women, ranging from young adults to older peers, have their faces, arms, legs, shoulders, necks, in some instances a greater portion of their torsos, masked with fair polishing cream. My question is why would so many pulchritudinous females have the urge to be fairer and the idea that dark-hued skins are undesirable?

The notion of fair skin being desirable is a vestige of the British colonial reign. I'm assuming the proliferation of white women with impeccable tastes and manners conceivably made them the epitome of female beauty. Bearing also in mind, that these fair female counterparts were also part of the ruling class that subjected the natives. The darker subjects had to depend on them for their livelihoods, thereby consequently, adopting their practices, their philosophies, their ideals, and their perspective of ideal beauty.

However, in such modern times, is the social practice of seeking and desiring fair females still viable? I have heard and witnessed several examples where females are degraded for their colors, and encouraged to seek treatments which would brighten their complexions, thereby leading to suitable partners. One account I recently heard goes that a young couple dating each other for nearly seven years has overcome a looming impediment. The impediment is the female's lack of a suitable and fair complexion. Apparently, the guy's family did not deem her fair enough to be considered a credible beauty. Oh, did I mention that said couple is planning on tying the knot. So, the solution they agreed upon is that the girl will seek skin whitening treatments ranging from home-made remedies, salon varieties, and ultimately skin brightening laser treatment.

Turn on the telly and you are inundated with advertisements displaying females cinching the perfect job, scoring the highest marks, securing handsome men through the supremacy of whitening creams. On every level of the social stratum, women are promptly encouraged and goaded to brighten their complexions, thereby, enhancing their chances of better and dare I say it, happier lives.

When does females, of all hues, take a stand and say collectively, enough is enough?

Aarong Is The New Hot Spot for Blind Dates

2008-10-01T09:54:00.000-07:00

I've heard from several people, and people who are quite close to me, insisting that Aarong has become the new hot spot for prospective couples/families to meet and greet and check out. Wow! Imagine that? If finding the right prospective partner isn't hard enough, now you have to subject yourself to be viewed, appraised, accepted and or rejected in a public sphere.

It's bad enough if you are supposed to be meeting a guy/girl at such an awkward open space, but what happens to your self-esteem when you have to encounter and endure a prospective partner's entire family gawking at you from a distance? Do you meander around the bags and shoes racks feigning interest? Or will bags and shoes make you seem materialistic? Or is the cookery section far fitting, suggestive of domesticity?

How do you dress for such an occasion? Going to Aarong, couldn't be, and really shouldn't be the highlight of anyone's day; but when you are engaging in a preview of yourself to your inlaws, shouldn't you be dressed to the nines?

Let's proceed and say you are already at Aarong and you surreptiously spy a prospective family checking you out. What happens now? Do they approach you, do you smile demurely at them, do you talk at all? How are you supposed to emphasize your beaming personality and glorifying IQ? Do you deftly display your stunning abilities to manuever you way through the throng of people, picking out all your items, grabbing the salespeople's attentions when needed, discovering and reaping hidden discounts, bypassing the mad dash to the checkout line, and completing all of these stellar feats just under five minutes?

Honestly, how much of you can a prospective family derive from a meeting under such superficial circumstances?

Here is an honest account of a meeting between two prospective inlaws and a prospective bride taking place at her work environ (i.e. bank). Under the ruse of the two aunties opening up "new accounts" at her bank, the women chatted up the young lady, digging out all necessary information and impression based on her physique, her mannerism, her accent, her words etc. The young lady, dressed to the nines (I have been repeatedly assured), wittingly knowning beforehand that she would be placed in such a predicament, answered and charmed the two aunties thoroughly. Thus, when time came to depart, both parties concluded with positive results. And I should add that that young girl is currently shortlisted to be shown to the lucky bachelor as soon as he arrives in town.

Maybe banks should be labeled as the new hot spots for blind dates being far ideal, effective, and offering quieter ambiences than markets.

Discovering Me

2008-10-01T06:57:00.000-07:00

What does it mean to be patriotic? Or to come to think of it to be a citizen? Sure, I can easily dredge up a verbose description of the above two labels but those descriptions won’t suffice to capture my sentiments. Spending a portion of my early years in a foreign land, I quickly accrued the skills of swift adaptability and assimilation into any and all foreign surroundings.As a child I did not understand the disparity between my dark skin tone and the sea of lighter hued children. I felt akin to my fellow peers and equally shared their adolescent pursuits.Years later when I stumbled upon a sole class picture from those years, I noticed myself as the lone brown child among a sea of international shades. Even though the picture exemplifies a miniature version of the United Nations with children representing all continents and even obscure African nations I could not help but feel back then that I truly did not represent any country at all. I cringe now at my childish disdain of belonging to another country, lest of a country that I barely recalled and looked down upon as primitive and irrelevant.Once returning to Dhaka and being surrounded by likeminded hues and peers, I again adapted to newer surroundings. However, the overwhelming disdain of the then-climate, conditions, and restrictions that shackled teenage life in Dhaka further propelled my need to escape the country that I was born into yet felt as far alienated as possible. Taking my O and A Levels and in fast pursuit of SATS and TOEFL became a crazy necessity in order to liberate myself from my surroundings. In short, I could not wait for the day when I would depart from Zia International Airport for a new foreign land, where I would not be as foreign as I was in my own birth land. The day could not have come sooner and as the plane glided off the runway I whispered to myself there would be no need for me to ever look back or desire to return to a land that I never belonged.It took a completely foreign land and foreign people to make me discover my own identity. To say New York City is a convergence of myriad cultures and diversity is truly a weak and hollow underestimate.Those who have only lived in New York can understand how a city as diversified as her can at the same time make people feel united under one overwhelming umbrella yet strongly connected to their own respective roots. Once planted in a private liberal arts university at the center of New York metropolis surrounded by people not only from different ethnic backgrounds but disparate socio-economic upbringings, I began to understand the complexities of my skin tone. It was in New York that I felt different and unique both by my skin hue and by my cultural milieu.Walking down any street of New York, whether the Broadway of Jackson Heights or the loftier Broadway of Soho, I became ever conscious of my skin hue and the responses it would trigger in other people. Are you Indian, Puerto Rican, Dominican, Brazilian, Haitian became the mandated questions I would encounter when meeting any one new for the first time. At first the question amused me – do I really look anything different than Bangladeshi? Sure, maybe Indian but the rest must surely be far fetched. But time after time which quickly became year after year when the question still remained constant, I grew irked by people not being able to identify me as Bangladeshi? And the more they could not the more I yearned to be identified as such. What was it in me then that compelled such strong identification to a country and culture that I once was readily alienated from and easily exasperated by? The more I socialized with different people the more I became conscious of my own rich and varied heritage and ethnicity. The more I encountered new cultures through new friendships and newer interests the more I discovered and embraced my own culture.The more years I spent living, studying, and growing up in New York, the more conscious I was of my own formative years in Bangladesh and beyond. I learned to objectively look at my teenage years in Dhaka. I began to question my own previous feelings of alienation – could it possibly have resulted from teenage angst I began to truly (re)discover and appreciate my culture and my country while residing in a foreign land.. Every minute details of living in Dhaka that I once took for granted and disregarded made me wince to recall how precious and pivotal they were in nurturing my identity. I realized I evolved into the person I am today because of the experiences that I encountered, shared, and learned while growing up in Dhaka. Experiences that not only shaped my persona but also bestowed my cultural identity. Experiences that evolved into lessons that I still abide by during my present adult years. Experiences that demarcated me yet allowed me to contribute a singular and innovative approach and outlook to the discussion when called upon. Experiences that undoubtedly made me as unique an individual unlike any other. So what is it that truly makes someone patriotic? Is it a willingness to die for their country, or contribute to the future evolvement and safety of the country, or to simply be a representative of their country? In my case, I have found my answer. I have discovered and fallen in love with my country that I have long been uncertain and confused by. I have learned to identify and appreciate the richness of my culture as well as to educate and preserve its history. I have even learned to accept the shortcomings and limitations of my country and am subsequently emboldened to contribute in diminishing those restrictions. My country may not be as perfect as it should be yet but at the end it is the only one I have known and truly now feel I belong.

Courtship

2008-10-01T05:55:00.000-07:00

She looked frozen. Trapped in a rectangular box, confined within a mundane setting, caught in a limbo. Her smile looked phony. Decidedly fake and implied that it was only put on to convey comfort and familiarity with the setting. Her shoulders stood tall and rigid and broad and strong. Possibly, she was a swimmer, a regular and natural swimmer. A tinge of masculinity was infused in her posture. Her arms were crossed rigidly across her chest in a brazen challenge to the looker. Her round face was adorned with too much make up. It cast a grayish tint to her skin. The glaring red lipstick was smeared around the edges indicating hastiness, and it painfully clashed with her rosy pink eyes. The cheeks were bathed in too much color, and a thin layer of shiny powder film peeped out bravely. Her smile looked strained and defiantly fake. Her eyes caught my attention though. Small slanted eyes peeked out from bushy eyebrows daring to be judged and dismissed. Her eyes refused to be trapped. They refused to obey.

My mother drew my attention to the fact that I had been staring at her photograph for an uncomfortably long time. “Toss her aside,” she commanded, already expecting the inevitable refusal,” she’s dark and mannish.” She stretched out her hand to take the photograph. “What a shame, though,” she began, “she had such high qualifications.”

My mother’s criteria for high qualifications involve an illustrious lineage, preferably going back to two generations, a foreign education, added bonus if completed in an English university in business or economics, and finally dainty fair features. Bearing in mind, the daintiness and fairness take center stage above the rest.

I let out a deep sigh and leaned back into the chair. The aroma of frying samosas and dal puris drifted from the kitchen. Afternoon tea was quite the event in my family. Strictly for members only, if outsiders had to be included they could not under any circumstances show up empty-handed. Otherwise Nana would not think twice about hurling a verbal avalanche of ill-breeding and immoral manners. Inevitably, the rare occasions when guests partook in this afternoon tradition, boxes of deliciously nauseating mishtis were the delicacies du jour.

However, on this particular afternoon, all the elder men of the family were conspicuously absent except for me. It was a badly contrived opportunity for the women of the family to induce me to skim through the bevy of fair and dainty prospects they had picked for me. I settled into the chair, stretching my legs under the table. It was going to be a long tea for sure. My right leg still bothered me. I used to feel nervous twitches that ricocheted upwards to the thigh. An old high-school football injury that never fully disappeared.

“Akaash, you’re not a young man any more. You need to make a choice eventually,” drawled Amma, in fluent English while arranging the table for the pending food.

“Neither am I old and decrepit,” I answered.

“All your friends have married. And look even a few of them are having kids already,” continued Amma, “While you are running across the globe like an untamed horse.”

”I’d rather wait than rush into anything. Anyhow meeting them won’t guarantee a sure deal, ma.” I wimply offered my sole rationale, “and how can I possibly know which one is the right one?”

“Uff! Wait… a new defense for a lazy generation! During my time we had no luxury. And it’s a ridiculous luxury, if you ask me. Your father came to see me one week and by the second week I was already settling into my in-laws house. We did not wait. We did not date. It was fated. And look at us now, we’ve been married for almost 40 years!

Several more pictures of girls laid on the table. Some of them were attached to resumes. Not resumes indicating work experiences, mind you, but rather their familial background and connections.

“All the good ones are taken at a young age. Only the defective ones stay behind,” muttered Amma, grimacing at the pile, “imagine being unmarried at 25. What a shame that would bring to the family.”

“And we most definitely don’t want to be stuck with the defective ones” I said, my sarcasm lost to her ears.

I sifted though the pile randomly scanning the pictures. So many girls are still wiling to market themselves through this channel. What happens to them when they don’t get picked? Do they continue on their quest making the rounds every time news of a fresh bachelor reaches them? How many years will they continue? Who ends up picking them? Do they have a choice to choose and dismiss suitors they don’t like similar to the way they are cast aside?

She caught between my fingers, her dark eyes peeped out between the crevices. Her strained smile and unfeminine posture challenged me. Daring me.

“If one is good looking than she has nothing to offer. If another is okay looking, she has not enough to offer, “ echoed Ammu’s words.

She was standing next to a grandfather clock. Possibly a family heirloom? She was most definitely bigger than the clock. The pose seemed staged now, as if she and the photographer had endlessly discussed which locations would most enhance her chances. The more I looked I noticed besides the grandfather clock the picture was devoid of any other objects indicating its setting. For all I could discern the setting could have been hastily staged at a studio in order to convey a homely ambience. And her smile now did not seem strained anymore. Nor phony. But almost mocking. Mocking me.

“Your Dipti khala is of no help. She talks nonsense about all these beautiful girls she has found for you and then she sends over this lot!” grumbled Amma.

Her eyes were twinkling now. Merry amusement blatantly shone right through. She was deliberately undermining herself to be dismissed! It would explain why her arms were locked in such a defensive pose. Which girl with a mind to seduce suitors would pose in such a manner? Only one who wanted to repel all suitors. I almost laughed out loud at her bravado and ingenuity. What spirit!

“Just wait till she comes, I’ll give her an earful. I’ll throw the photos on her face!”

This girl certainly had guts. Undoubtedly, this was her only way to not acquiesce to an undesired circumstance. Undoubtedly, a character worth meeting. Am I the only one to see through her farce? I could not wait to hear her reasons behind this absurd façade.

“What about this one?”

“Which one? WHICH ONE? Did you like someone?” questioned Amma, excitement surging through her.

“This one in my hand,” I held up her picture.

“Oh, that one.” Her voice was suddenly subdued. “You like her? Isn’t she un-girly? Look at her shoulders, she seems broader than you. No, no, there’s a better one for you, Akaash, I was just admiring her a moment ago.”

“No, ammu, I want to meet this one,” I quietly stated.

My mother looked stricken temporarily, but she recovered quickly enough. “I think she is too old. 28 or 29. Maybe older. You know how they lie about their ages here. You need someone younger. 25 at least.”

“No, this one looks just right. Anyway, being 35 requires choosing someone closer to my age rather than a decade younger. Moreover, in my situation I should not be one to demand a lot”

“Akaash,” began Amma, “ What situation are you taking about? Girls should be glad to have someone like you choose them. Don’t be quick to dismiss yourself. See some more pictures. Your khalas are bringing more.”

“But amma….didn’t…”

“Beta, don’t rush! You said you wanted to take it slow. Same logic applies here. See more pictures and then decide.”

My mother swiftly grabbed the picture from my hand. Before I could protest, my khalas entered the room and she began to make a huge scene greeting them. Ruefully, I accepted a losing battle. I knew when I was dismissed. But it wasn’t my mother who had dismissed me. It was this unknown woman in the picture. This woman had answered my question. Few of them do have the choice to reject as well. All they have to do is look unappealing to the mothers of the prospective grooms. Once the mothers are repelled, they are emancipated from unwarranted suitors. I would have enjoyed meeting her. Even for just coffee. What must she make of all of this? I pulled my legs closer to my body. Waveringly I pulled myself up with the crane to greet my khalas. My right leg hung limply as I hugged them. An old high school injury that never fully healed.

It wasn’t enough that I was here waiting for him. I could not think of any excuse suitable enough to break it off. Lying was never my shinning talents. I always found it perplexing to keep tabs on the numerous lies that sprout to validate the original sin. The skies had darkened considerably since I arrived at the café. The small café perched above the street gave an unwelcome view of the front road clogged with stilted traffic. It smelled of rain on asphalt – a salty and pungent stench that enveloped the grime of the city. Someone’s watch beeped the hour mark. It just turned six. He was running late. I had waited almost fifteen minutes for him. I hated the fact that when people in this city say they’ll be there at 6, it generally means they’ll leave their house for the destination around 6. Why is it so hard for Bangladeshis to be punctual?

A small white Toyota rolled to a stop in front of the café. My pulse leaped and sweat balloons erupted underneath my arms. A Man emerged out of the car and strolled into the adjacent library. Is that him? I don’t usually do this. Allow myself to be set up on a blind date, albeit a blind date with the expected potential to evolve into something serious and committed. I did have a choice to say no. But I opted to exercise a tentative eagerness and boldness in agreeing to meet the stranger. A potential stranger might I add. The Man made his way upstairs where the small café was located. I looked up at him expectantly; however, he shied away from my glance and headed into one of the back rooms. So, it isn’t him after all.

Should have at least seen his picture. Who sets themselves for a blind date in Dhaka of all places. Must be crazy. Asking for trouble.

When you are of a certain age in Dhaka, you fall prey of your family’s concerns about your aging single status. When you are at a certain age in Dhaka, you fall victim of your family’s abjection of your divorcee status.

Another car rolls up. This time one of those sleek Mercedes that are glimpsed frequently on sunken roads and streets. A young couple emerges heading towards the nearby ice creamery hand in hand.

I sighed. So much for strained nerves. Relax; he’ll come, he phoned didn’t he?

As a woman of an aging age, I am expected to accept subserviently to opinions and feedback of my disastrous first marriage and my bleak future. As a woman with an independent and secured income, I have the prerogative to not pay heed to other people. But cultural traits are inherently installed, and I find myself oscillating from projecting unaffected nonchalance to deep empathy at my misfortunes.

But age and marriage or lackof or far worse the termination of one can lead to severe complications in the prototype of an ideal Bengali woman. What should a woman of an age far advanced when she is considered eligible, with one messed up marriage under her belt, do to convey her desirability? How can she portray naiveté and docility while harnessing her sexual past? Sex is always an integral part of a female’s eligibility. Is she or isn’t she? How many did she have? Who is she with right now?

The older you get the far less complicated you attempt to make you life, the more complicated life makes of you.

So now I’m on a blind date, waiting for a stranger who hopefully shows up in the next fifteen minutes or I’ll be out of the door. I should have left 20 minutes ago. Should have said I had an urgent engagement and could not wait longer. But I stayed back and now that lie doesn’t seem plausible anymore. I can hear him question why did I wait for so long already if I had a pressing meeting? Do I come off as desperate?

Is that him? Gorgeous…sweating again.

The man sat at a corner table near to the exit. He brought along a book, Coetzee, I managed to glimpse, which he unconsciously proceeded to read. The waiter hovered around till the man quietly muttered his order. I stared trying not to stare hoping to catch his eye.

Sole woman in the café. Should know it’s me. Should smile at him. Catch his eye. Should I? Smile at him. Stop staring. See you stare.

My body answering a primal call began a string of actions. I found myself unconsciously twirling locks of hair, lips slightly pouting, and my back arched prominently thrusting beckoning breasts.

He stared!

Look away! Look outside! I glanced at the traffic, pretended absentmindedly to check my watch. Should convince him that I am waiting for him. Is he the Man?

I sensed his eyes looking over me. Appreciatively? My body warmed to his reprisal. I dared not look at him now. Would sever this deliberate unconscious flirtation. My cheeks were flushing, heat escaping through my pores. I desperately needed a drink.

I spied another glance at him while ordering. Crisp white shirt worn underneath an aging jacket. The jacket had plaid elbow patches like the ones I often saw my father wore. A pair of glasses perched on his nose, professorial like. Definitely reading glasses. Graying hair peppered with white streaks. Bushy grey eyebrows framed light eyes that were staring back at my scrutinizing face.

Look away!

I reddened. Warmth effused my cheeks. I felt temporarily caught with my pants down. I hurriedly sifted through my bag looking for my mobile. No calls. Should I text him? Is that him?

He got up and I hesitated before looking to see if he was walking towards me. What courage it must take him to approach! Unexpectantly, he headed towards the back rooms and disappeared. My face fell and exhaustion at my silliness swept in. Must leave now.

As coincidences are apt to occur, just then my mobile beeped. I checked to see a message from the tardy stranger trumpeting his imminent arrival. Worth it? Kept me waiting close to an hour. I did wait though. Didn’t have to. Just did.

The enticing stranger had re-entered the room while I questioned my resolve. He reclaimed his seat but instead of resuming his place in the book was now lecherously smiling at me. Again, warm embarrassment pulsed through me. I looked at him in defiance, but his staring crippled my resolve.

It’s challenging at times to be a woman in this city. Chauvinism seeps through the social stratum like an intoxicating elixir. Incidences, trivial as this, ascertain and evoke the familiar uncertainties of settling here as a single woman. The sensation of worthlessness never truly effaces.

I ready to leave. The man continues to leer, but I refuse to acknowledge anymore.

He smiles as I cross his table. In my attempt to hurry away, I nearly collide with a Man slowly limping up the stairs heavily supported by his crane. His crane makes a loud clacking noise that draws me away from my mortification. I looked at him. He looked at me and smiled. A kind-knowing smile.

“You must be Ridi! I’m Akaash. I apologize for the tardiness. Quite uncharacteristic I assure you! Traffic congestion, you know how it is here. Are you about to leave? Please stay for a bit. Or we can go elsewhere if you prefer,” tumbled forth from this beautiful stranger.

To Marry or Not?

2008-10-01T05:49:00.001-07:00

Women are akin to cattle. Bear with me, whereas cattle are highly coveted due to their promising abilities of milk production and reproduction, meaty constitutions; women are desired for their fair complexions, promising signs of sturdy procreation, and familial connections. These aspects create eligible women, and marriages define women. Does that make sense? Marriage identifies women through their marital status. Social norm dictates women are born to marry. Unmarried women are anomalies and desecrations to the social customs.Marriages should serve as the peak of a woman’s life. Let me depict my friend’s predicament. Her professional career is skyrocketing, where she is making colossal creative strides and has the prominent multi-national firms positively in a frenzy trying to recruit her. However, all is not well in her domestic front. Said female friend has just stepped into her late twenties and is still single/unmarried. Shocking! Her family, instead of basking in the glories of her professional progress, is deeply distraught by her single-ness. Whereas her female siblings were rapidly married of in their early twenties and are now ensconced in domestic bliss with burgeoning children, my friend is still single at 26 and has a career! She isn’t solely focusing on her career, she really does make an effort to meet all the men introduced by her relatives, but no one seems to interest her yet. Hence, she has ample time to direct all her energies into her career. I must admit at the face of the escalating tensions perpetuated by her parents’ and extended family’s worry over her unmarried status, my friend is displaying a staunch detachment and acceptance of her fate. She knows her parents would rather see her married off now than further progress up the career ladder. She has no choice in the matter. Marriage is the zenith of her existence.My friend’s dilemma brings me to my point – women are defined by these two simple questions: “Are you married? Are you looking to get married?” An unmarried woman is depicted emotionally and psychologically inferior to her married sisters. As an unmarried female in her twenties, how many times have you been asked the above two questions? How many times have you been coerced, persuaded, and in few instances, bullied into blind dates to snag a prospective husband? It is inconceivable to be a Bangladeshi woman in her twenties and happily single. People assume single/unmarried women cannot be genuinely content with themselves because happiness can only be attained through marriage. Therein lies the crux of marriage – marriage endows happiness. I am frequently bombarded by the two dreaded questions. Negative responses are quickly pacified by pitying looks, reassuring squeezes and pats, and a whispered admonition“don’t wait too long, it’s not good.” It’s not good for whom? Me? What are the plausible pitfalls attached to ‘waiting too long’? Shall I magically transform into a gigantic pumpkin, with my face contorting into ogre-esque proportions? And who decides how long is too long? In instances where I am expected to justify my unmarried status, the possible ramifications of my decision are clarified. Eligible males usually prefers maidens in their early twenties, procreation can be difficult during the thirties, my selfish individualism will hinder attempts to compromise and adapt to a husband’s needs. Ironically, my own needs and wants are discarded. I am a trooper dutifully trained to marry and breed. In times where divorces are in vogue, extra-marital affairs are solutions to ill-fated unions, who dare plunges into the sea of matrimony? Would it not be feasible to prolong my single-ness till I’ve met my match? Alas, they say I romanticize the concept of marriage. Sorry, I forget, I am supposed to marry and breed. It is a pragmatic merger. So I have determined the next time I am asked the above questions, I will glibly question my inquirer if he/she can give me three beneficial factors acquired by marriage. However those benefits must exclude the following assertions – so that my parents can see their only daughter married, so that my parents can have grandchildren to nurture, so that the inquirer can partake in the wedding festivities, and my happiness depends on it. I can honestly say the inquirer will be hard pressed to come up with a concrete rationale. Sure there are many females who gladly delve into matrimony for myriad reasons ranging from love to emancipation, but in general, can they all honestly decree marriages led to their happiness? I have been given a privilege that my friend never received. I can choose to wait to get married, whereas she doesn’t have that basic prerogative. Shouldn’t I be doing her a favor and myself by exercising that right?